


Smoke and Mirrors

by lisavslisa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisavslisa/pseuds/lisavslisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Smoke and Mirrors:</b> a metaphor for a deceptive, fraudulent or insubstantial explanation or description.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every time anyone joked about Louis and Harry’s close bond, calling them ‘boyfriends’ or whatnot, it caused a fluttering feeling in the pit of Harry’s stomach. He wasn’t sure what it meant. He hadn’t really thought of Louis too much in a romantic sense. They were friends – really good friends. But there was something about it. Harry loved Louis almost more than he loved any other human being on the planet. He loved him so much. They were the best of friends. Harry supposed the feeling derived from that. He wasn’t sure. He just knew he probably wouldn’t make it in life without Lou in it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Harry’s eyes opened, Louis’ face was significantly closer until he almost couldn’t see it anymore. He hadn’t realized what was happening until it happened, until Louis’ lips were planted on his, kissing him. When he heard Louis moan lowly against his mouth, he was convinced it was all a dream. But he could taste the alcohol on Louis’ tongue, he could smell his cologne as plain as day, and he wasn’t sure what to believe anymore...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> The first time Louis kissed Harry there had been alcohol involved. Lots and lots of alcohol. Mainly on Lou’s end because he was the only one in the band to pass the drinking age in the States. Harry got the job done though by taking sneaky sips from everyone’s glasses throughout the night. He was buzzed enough to make his night just a little bit better. But Louis – he was hammered, and practically screaming as he sang his way onto the bus that night.

 

_“’Rovers til’ I die! I’m Rovers til’ I die! I know I am! I’m sure I am! I’m Rovers til’ I die!’”_ Louis belted out his football teams chant, his arm around Harry as they nearly toppled onto the bus together.

“Quit pissing around and get your asses on the bus.” They heard Paul’s gruff voice from behind them. Maybe a year or two ago they might have taken him seriously – Paul being the hulking man he was. But over the years they got to know their security quite well… and well, Paul was a teddy bear.

“Louis, get ahold of yourself.” Harry chuckled, his cheek pressed firmly against his friends as they ambled toward the couches.

_“’I’m Rover’s til’ I die!’”_ Louis shouted, nearly deafening Harry in an instant.

“Christ!” Harry yelped, pulling away from Louis altogether, watching as he lost his balance and hit the sofa with an _‘oof!’_

 

Harry could do nothing but laugh, finding much hilarity in Louis’ drunken state. Louis was his favorite person on earth. No matter what the two of them were doing, whatever hijinks they were ensued in, the laughter never ceased while they were together. There were many inside jokes that not a soul alive would understand besides the two of them. So many memories they had made together over the three years they’d been storming the globe together. And Harry was sure this night would be bumped to the tip-top of his memory.

 

_“’I know I am! I’m SURE I am! I’m Rovers til’ I die!’”_ Louis continued to shout, thrusting his fist in the air as he did.

“SHUT IT!” Zayn’s voice came from the rows of bus bunks. Sleep pretty much came second to none in Zayn’s world, and if you disrupted him during it, he turned into a completely different guy – like _Monster-Zayn_ or something. _Grizzly bear-Zayn_. _Godzilla-Zayn_.

“You shut it, Malik! I’m Rovers til’ I die!” Louis shouted back.

“You’re bleeding pissed, is what you are.” Harry laughed heartily as he watched his best friend sway drunkenly on the sofa.

_“’I’m pissed til’ I die! I’m pissed til’ I die! I know I am! I’m SURE I am! I’m pissed til’ I DIE!’”_ Louis sang out as loud as his voice would go.

“FUCK OFF!” Zayn rumbled moments before a shoe came hurdling down the hallway at Harry, hitting him in the leg.

“Christ, Malik! Thanks a lot, Mate. That hit me, ya git.” Harry grumbled, rubbing at the throbbing spot where the shoe hit him.

“Throw it at Louis.” Harry heard Zayn grumble, and he couldn’t help but laugh when Louis’ face lit up, finding humor in angering Zayn.

“I know plenty more songs, Zany-Zayn! Oh, oh! Here’s one! ‘ _E-I-E-I-E-I-O! Up the football league we go! When we get promotion, this is what we sing! We are Rover’s! We are Rover’s! O’Driscoll is our king!’”_ Louis continued, trying purposely to tick Zayn off.

“Alright, alright, Tommo.” Harry laughed, trying to prevent further confrontation, while Niall sat cracking up on the couch next to Louis.

“Fuck YOU, _Lewis_.” Zayn growled, only causing Louis to roll with laughter.

“Zayn’s probably plotting your death right now, Louis.” Liam called over from the table where he sat on his cell phone.

“Time to shut up!” Paul said as he finally came onto the bus.

“Yeah.” Zayn grumbled from his bunk, and Harry chuckled to himself.

“It’s time to party!” Louis burst out, standing on his feet, falling forward into Harry. Harry had to put all his strength in to holding up his very drunk best friend, and to be fair, it wasn’t that easy in the drunken state he was in.

“It’s time to get your ass in the back if you’re planning on being a little git.” Paul warned him, his finger thrust forward, pointing toward the lounge door.

“No fun! We’re just trying to have fun, aren’t we Haz?” Louis whined, still gripping onto Harry’s arms for support as he swayed on his feet.

“Right.” Harry snickered, playing his part so well.

“To the back, Tomlinson. And take your boyfriend with ya!” Paul said, shooing the two of them down the hallway.

 

Every time anyone joked about Louis and Harry’s close bond, calling them ‘boyfriends’ or whatnot, it caused a fluttering feeling in the pit of Harry’s stomach. He wasn’t sure what it meant. He hadn’t really thought of Louis too much in a romantic sense. They were friends – _really_ good friends. But there was something about it. Harry loved Louis almost more than he loved any other human being on the planet. He loved him so much. They were the best of friends. Harry supposed the feeling derived from that. He wasn’t sure. He just knew he probably wouldn’t make it in life without Lou in it.

 

“Come on, Tommo.” Harry said quietly to his best friend, patting him on the back before he scooped his arm around Lou’s shoulder.

“Off with ya.” Liam snickered at the table, swiping his hand through the air.

 

Louis laughed as Harry guided him toward the hallway of bunks.

 

“Malik! Oh sweet, Malik!” Louis chortled, and Zayn groaned immediately.

 

Harry tried his best to steer Louis away from Zayn’s bunk, but Louis must’ve used super-human-drunken-strength to make a beeline for the bed. He slashed open the curtain with his arm and immediately started making cooing sounds at Zayn.

 

“Get the fuck outta here.” Zayn groaned into his pillow.

“Zany-Zayn. Wakey-wakey. Always sleepy-sleeping. You need to get drunky-drunky and come out to play.” Louis said in a sing-song voice, tickling at Zayn’s hip.

“Get the fuck outta here, Lewis!” Zayn said, throwing his arm back to smack Louis.

“Tommo. Come on.” Harry said, grasping onto Louis’ shoulders.

“Get the hell down to the lounge.” Paul chided Harry and Louis as he walked toward them.

_“Louis.”_ Harry giggled in his friend’s ear, feeling maybe an inkling of fear due to their encroaching bodyguard.

“Ahhhh!” Louis erupted, backing up quickly, slamming Harry’s back into the bunk behind him.

“Christ!” Harry groaned, feeling the shooting pain immediately.

“Come on, Harry!” Louis yelped, grabbing onto Harry’s hand before tugging him with him toward the lounge.

 

All Harry could do was laugh and let his friend tow him along until they had reached their destination. Louis slammed the door with a flick of his wrist and the two of them were now standing alone together in the silent room.

 

Louis let out a laugh, causing Harry to follow. The two of them nearly buckled over as the giggles bubbled out of them.

 

Harry was the first to fall back against the sofa, and then Louis, their hips knocking hard together.

 

“Damn it, Man.” Harry hissed, feeling the pain of the collision.

“You’re sure fun to get pissed with, but I’m going to be dead by the end of the night.” Harry said of his throbbing back, and now hip.

“I’ll revive ya. Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.” Louis said nonchalantly as he turned on the television with the remote.

 

Harry’s stomach immediately stirred with the thought of _mouth-to-mouth_ with Louis. And he silently cursed his friend for putting such thoughts in his head.

 

He never thought of himself as straight, nor had he ever thought of himself as gay. He was a sexual person in general, and it didn’t matter to him what gender a person was. If they made him feel, then they were doing something right. A person was a person was a person was a person…

 

“You’re not gonna watch the telly, are ya?” Harry groaned, leaning his head back against the couch to look over at his friend.

“Why? What’s wrong with the telly?” Lou asked, marring his eyebrows in question, sending Harry an odd look.

“I thought we were going to _‘PARTY’!”_ Harry said as he thrust his fist up in the air, mimicking Louis.

“We are partying!” Louis said, dancing in his seat as he rubbed his hand quickly up and down Harry’s thigh.

 

Tingling sensation shot straight through to Harry’s core with Louis’ touch, and it almost made him want to punch him.

 

“Cheeky bastard.” Harry grumbled under his breath.

“I’m a cheeky bastard? _I’m_ a cheeky bastard?” Louis looked at him expectantly.

“Yes.” Harry said simply.

“Yeah. I am. I am quite cheeky!” Louis laughed as he went back to paying attention to the television, flipping through channels quickly.

“Ya can’t even see what’s on. Slow down.” Harry said, reaching out for the remote.

“Get outta here.” Louis said, swatting at Harry’s hand.

“Give it to me.” Harry insisted, stretching his arm out as far as it would go while Louis played keep-away.

“No!” Louis yelped, still trying to stave Harry off.

“Give it!” Harry growled, nearly slung across Louis’ lap as he tried to tug his arm down to get the remote.

“NEVER!” Louis laughed mischievously.

 

Harry was nearly climbing Louis like a tree to get at the remote, and he had no idea why. In an instant he pulled back when he felt an inkling of arousal in his lower half.

 

“Ya give up?” Louis chuckled freely watching Harry retreat.

“ _Hmph_.” Harry huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You sure are cute when you’re angry.” Louis cooed, reaching out to pinch Harry’s cheek.

“Get—” Harry scoffed as he swatted Louis’ hand away.

 

Louis chuckled as he went back to channel hopping. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry watched Louis. He watched his eyes blinking quickly with each channel change. He watched Louis’ mouth drop open contently. And he watched as his tongue slithered out of his mouth, sliding smoothly across his lips, wetting them. His whole body hummed with electricity as he watched his friend like a voyeur.

 

“Ooh! Dr. Who! Yes!” Louis shouted happily, snapping Harry out of his daze.

 

Harry’s eyes met with the television once again, registering Rose’s face almost immediately. He hadn’t ever really gotten into _Dr. Who_ like Louis did, but he had watched it on occasion and could keep up with it if need be.

 

Louis was immediately engulfed in the plotline of the episode, which gave Harry ample opportunity to sneak another glance at him.

 

As the two of them sat on the couch together, _Dr. Who_ on the television and the lights dimmed, their comfort level only heightened. Louis’ legs came up to rest across Harry’s lap as he laid down against the couch. Harry welcomed it, splaying his arms across Louis’ sweatpants-clad legs. He appreciated Louis’ laughter during a particularly funny scene, and he almost lived for Lou’s commentary as he watched the show. But it was getting late, and the alcohol was surely doing a number on his senses. Harry felt himself doze off more than once, and decided to take refuge in the couch and Louis’ warm body. Before he knew it, Harry’s head was resting on Louis’ hip as his arms cuddled Lou’s legs to his chest, their body’s now parallel to one another’s.

 

“Haz… Hazza.” Harry heard as he felt Lou poke his shoulder, breaking him out of what little sleep he had just gotten.

“ _Hmm_.” Harry hummed as he tilted his head to look up at Louis.

“Are you sleeping?” Louis smiled down at him.

“ _Mm_.” He grunted, nuzzling his face back against Louis’ hip.

“Are you drooling on me?” Louis laughed.

“No.” Harry grumbled, silently making sure he wasn’t.

“I can’t move my legs.” Louis said as he wiggled in Harry’s arms.

“ _Uhh_.” Harry grumbled subtly, not feeling energized enough to move even a muscle.

“Harrah!” Louis whined, really writhing now, determined to shake him.

“Christ, Lou.” Harry grumbled, letting go of his legs as he sat up, running a hand through his tousled hair.

“Much better.” Louis sighed, pleased with himself as he stretched his legs outward.

“Move over.” Harry said, worming his body into the miniscule gap between Louis and the couch.

“How much room do you think I have?” Louis chuckled.

“I don’t care.” Harry sighed, closing his eyes immediately as he cuddled up at Louis’ side, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck as his arm rest comfortably across Lou’s hipbones.

 

He could smell hints of Louis’ cologne that barely masked his natural musk that Harry had grown quite accustomed to over the years. He liked Louis’ smell. It brought on fond memories.

 

“Little baby Hazza.” Louis cooed as he ran his fingers through the matted hair on top of Harry’s head. Harry smiled, his eyes still closed.

“Sweet little baby Harrah.” Louis said, patting his head.

“Sing me to sleep.” Harry sighed, feeling comfortable and sated in Louis’ arms.

_“’Rovers til’ I die…’”_ Louis sang out, thankfully not as loud as before.

“Little shit.” Harry scoffed playfully, shoving his arm slightly, almost causing Louis to fall off the side of the couch.

“You said to sing!” Louis protested with a laugh, pushing back against Harry, trying to get comfortable again.

“Are fucking football chants all you know?” Harry looked at him with a hardening gaze.

“No. If you haven’t noticed, I _am_ a singer.” Louis said with a hint of sarcasm as he jabbed his finger into Harry’s side. Harry reacted immediately to Louis’ prodding finger, moving quickly against his body. And he couldn’t help it as he felt a spark of pleasure skate across his dick as it rubbed against Louis’ thigh.

 

_Jesus fucking Christ_. That was all he needed – to get a hard-on while he laid against his best friend.

 

“You want me to sing to you?” Louis asked, bringing him back to their moment.

“Could ya?” Harry sighed, trying to keep his mind off his dick and on other things.

“ _Ah-ah-ah-ahem_.” Louis cleared his throat loudly and Harry giggled at his antics.

“ _’People say we shouldn’t be together. We’re too young to know about forever. But I say they don’t know what they’re talk-talk-talkin’ about_.’” Louis began to sing Liam’s part of their song _‘They Don’t Know About Us’_. Harry laughed against his shoulder, but played his part and began to sing the next few lines, which just so happened to be his.

_“’Cause this love is only getting stronger. So I don’t wanna wait any longer. I just wanna tell the world that you’re mine. Ohhhh.’”_ Harry sat up and sang, purposely leaving out the ‘girl’ at the end.

 

Louis looked up at him, his eyes mere slits as his cheeks nearly pushed them closed with the wide smile on his face. And without fail, the two of them erupted loudly into the chorus, belting it out, giving it all they had.

 

_“’They don’t know about the things we do. They don’t know about the I love you’s. But I bet you if they only knew they would just be jealous of us.’”_ They sang boisterously.

“SHUT IT!” They heard Paul yell through the closed lounge door from somewhere in the bus.

 

The two boys immediately began to laugh, Harry burying his face into Lou’s shoulder as his butt hung in the air, his knees planted firmly against the couch. Louis gripped onto his stomach as the laughter rolled out of him.

 

“Christ.” Harry said under his breath as his laughter died out and he wedged himself back down against Louis.

“I can’t sleep like this.” Louis told him once he got settled.

“Spoil sport.” Harry grumbled against his shoulder.

“Look at how much room you have and then look at how much room I have!” Louis erupted playfully.

“Well, there is no need for you to lay on your back. You don’t see me laying on my back, do you?” Harry argued. Louis scoffed immediately.

“You can be my little spoon.” Harry cooed, running a gentle finger down Louis’ cheek.

“No.” Louis grumbled.

“Aw, come on.” Harry ribbed.

 

Louis hastily shut off the television with the remote, and turned in Harry’s arms the next second so they were facing one another, nearly nose to nose. The dim lights cast shadows over Louis’ face, and it gave him such a look of mystery that it nearly rattled Harry. His eyes bore into Louis’, watching and waiting. Waiting for anything. Waiting for Louis to speak. Waiting to be able to breathe again.

 

_“’They don’t know about the up all nights…’”_ Louis sang quietly, and Harry let out a weighted sigh as a smile ravaged his face once again.

“Cheeky bastard.” Harry whispered, still eyeing Louis contently.

 

Louis’ response was that of a salacious grin, and it took all that Harry had in him not to find some sort of arousal in it.

 

“I like getting pissed with you.” Louis breathed as his eyes closed finally.

“Me too.” Harry said, studying the complacency on his friends face.

“ _Mm_.” Louis hummed.

 

Harry had been tired before, but sleep was the furthest thing from his mind in that moment. He didn’t even know what to do with himself. And without thinking, he cleared his throat loudly, causing Louis’ eyes to open quickly.

 

“Sorry.” Harry said sheepishly.

“Frog in your throat?” Louis smirked wildly at him.

“Something like that.” Harry replied, smiling back.

“ _Hmm_.” Louis said as his eyes worked over Harry’s face.

“What?” Harry asked, furrowing his brow in question.

“Nothing.” Louis replied immediately.

_“What?”_ Harry asked more impatiently when Louis kept looking at him – _studying_ him the way he was.

 

Louis didn’t answer him. And just as Harry was about to protest, Louis’ mouth covered his. Harry’s heart nearly stopped beating. Louis’ lips were on his. His warm, inviting lips were pressed against his own. Neither of them moved for a few moments. They didn’t pull back, and they didn’t push the other one away. They were just frozen, mouth to mouth.

 

Harry felt Louis’ lips move minutely and felt his stomach turn in the best way possible. _Louis was kissing him._ Harry pressed forward slightly, and Louis welcomed it. Soon enough both of their lips were pliable and moving slowly against the others. Harry almost couldn’t believe it was happening, but he didn’t want it to stop. When he felt Louis’ tongue prod against his lips he nearly let out a moan. Instead, he bit it back and opened his mouth to Louis’, tangling their tongues together in a slow, pleasing rhythm.

 

Harry was sure he wouldn’t be able to fight off the demon in his trousers for much longer, but he silently hoped Louis was wrestling with the same issue.

 

Wanting to be closer, wanting there to be nothing keeping them apart, Harry tangled his fingers into the back of Louis’ hair, pulling him closer as they continued to kiss. And as if he had a moment of clarity, as if he realized what he was doing, Louis pulled back quickly, eyeing Harry with a look of apprehension. Harry’s stomach plummeted when Louis cleared his throat and untangled his legs from his.

 

“I can’t sleep like this.” Louis repeated, averting his gaze before he sat up on the couch.

“Yeah— _ahem_ , yeah.” Harry said, sitting up too, running his fingers through his hair.

 

Without another glance back in his direction, Louis pulled himself up from the couch and headed toward the lounge door. He threw it open and disappeared down the dark hallway.

 

Harry blew out a breath before he laid back down against the couch. He wasn’t sure he wanted to sleep there, but he knew he needed to take a minute to regain his composure. His heart beat wildly in his chest as he recounted everything that just happened in the few minutes they’d spent kissing. His brain almost hurt as he over-analyzed it to death. In the end, he chocked it up as Louis being lonely. He missed Eleanor. That was it. He missed the company, the feelings. He missed his girlfriend, and in his drunken state let his guard down.

 

Harry sighed as he sat up on the couch. As much as he liked what had happened, he was determined to bury it. He wouldn’t speak of it, if that was what Louis wanted. They’d go about their lives like it never happened, because he was Louis’ best friend, and he didn’t want to disrupt Louis’ life more than he already had.

 

Seconds later, Harry pulled himself up from the couch and headed toward the now open lounge door. He switched off the light and once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he ambled to his designated bunk and hopped in, hoping to shake the feelings of unease altogether.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always always always wanted to write a Larry Stylinson story. I've never written slash in my life, so this is big for me, okay. I just love Larry though. I think they're so entirely precious, whether they're just besties, or if they're more. Either way, I like the idea of them being sexual with each other. So this is what's in my head.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment and/or a kudos, I'd sure appreciate it!
> 
> [smile--styles.tumblr.com/](http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/)


	2. 02

It was no surprise to Harry that Louis had Eleanor flown out to be with him no less than a week after what had happened. He tried not to take it personally, but no matter how optimistic he was about it, he always found fault in himself.

 

Harry always hated when Eleanor came on the road, and it wasn’t because he disliked her, it was because she was the one taking up Louis’ time. She was the one attached to his hip, not him. Harry always missed his best friend during these times, and this time he only felt worse about it.

 

Louis hadn’t been the same since that night. He was quiet and distant with almost everyone. He wasn’t the vibrant person he usually was. And Harry knew it was because of him. He broke Louis.

 

“You and Louis fighting or something?” Zayn asked Harry as they sat on the tour bus outside that night’s venue.

“Uh, nah. Why? Did he say something?” Harry asked, trying not to sound too overwhelmingly paranoid.

“Nah, man. You two just aren’t being _you two_. You know what I mean.” Zayn went on.

“Well, you know…” Harry hesitated.

“ _Eleanor_.” They both said in unison before letting out a laugh.

“Can I bunk with you tonight?” Harry asked, causing Zayn to quirk his eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, sure. I don’t think Louis’ going to take that well though.” Zayn said matter-of-factly. Harry and Louis were permanent roomies on the road and at home, but Harry was sure none of that mattered to Louis now.

“His _girlfriend_ is here.” Harry said rolling his eyes, feeling the annoyance of Eleanor’s presence.

“As far as I know, Eleanor leaves tonight.” Zayn told him.

“ _Oh_. I didn’t know that.” Harry said as his heart sank. Usually he knew everything that was going on in Louis’ world. It was just further proof that he messed everything up.

“She only got a few days off from Uni. That’s why she’s here, I guess.” Zayn shrugged.

“ _Hmm_.” Harry hummed, feeling absolutely miserable.

“Are you two really _that_ off?” Zayn asked, furrowing his brow in concern.

“Not off…” Harry said, his words trailing into silence, because he knew they were.

“Have no fear, Mate. You can room with me. Li and Niall are together tonight.” Zayn said with a smile.

“I’m not going to be cutting in on the Zerrie phone sex, am I?” Harry smirked at his friend.

“No, not tonight.” Zayn smiled bashfully as Harry registered a hint of a blush on Zayn’s cheeks.

“ _Christ_.” Harry laughed, giving Zayn a hard pat on his shoulder as he stood on his feet.

“What?” Zayn protested.

“I was joking, ya know.” Harry laughed.

“I know.” Zayn said, sounding less convincing than he may have wanted to.

“Yeah.” Harry laughed as he headed toward the bus exit.

“I know ya were.” Zayn laughed as Harry gave him one last wave before disappearing off the bus.

 

 

As soon as Harry walked down the hallway toward the band’s dressing room, he could hear Eleanor’s laugh. A feeling of bitterness and regret washed over him. He liked Eleanor. He did. Just not right now. Not when his and Louis’ friendship was dangling in the wind and she was in the way of them finding some sort of common ground. He didn’t like the fact that Louis had her flown out so he didn’t have to deal with what had happened. Harry had told himself he’d bury it. He told himself he’d do that for Louis. But Louis was playing dirty. It seemed almost like he was flaunting his relationship in Harry’s face. Or maybe it was something completely different altogether. Like maybe Louis was trying to bury feelings he may have felt when they kissed. If that were the case, then it really ticked Harry off.

 

The room fell silent as Harry walked into it, making him feel like some sort of lark. Like a pariah in his own god damn band. Harry’s eyes met with Louis’ immediately, trying to read him and trying to convey his own feelings in one long intense look. Louis didn’t look away. Not even when Eleanor’s head volleyed back and forth looking between the two of them.

 

“Harry! Just in time!” Lou Teasdale, the bands hairstylist and all-around go-to girl, called out to him.

“Is it my turn for the chair?” Harry asked, only then breaking his eye contact with Louis.

“Sure is, love. Come.” She said with a wave of her hand.

 

Harry immediately crossed the room to Lou’s barber chair. If there was any one friendship that rivaled his and Louis’, it was his and Lou’s. Lou was his next best friend on tour, and probably his best girl friend ever.

 

“How ya doing, Styles?” She asked as her fingers slid effortlessly through his hair, scrunching it in her fingers.

“Fine.” He said lowly, his voice nearly failing him.

“Fine?” She asked, giving him an odd look through the mirror.

“Just an off day.” He sighed.

“Ah. I might have to get Lux in here to cheer you up then, aye?” She winked at him through the mirror.

“That would definitely do the trick.” Harry smiled at her. Harry loved Lou’s 2-year-old daughter like she was his own. He took pride in being one of Lux’s _many_ uncles.

“You want to talk about it?” She asked.

“Maybe later.” He shrugged his shoulders as he eyed Louis through the mirror, his arm around Eleanor on the couch as they talked quietly.

 

Harry was sure what he was feeling wasn’t jealousy, or maybe it was. He didn’t know anymore. He wasn’t sure of anything these days. This whole damn thing had his mind in a haze.

 

Harry’s spin in Lou’s chair didn’t take long, since his hair pretty much had a life of its own and did whatever the hell it wanted to. And in no time, the room was buzzing with person after person as it neared show time. Harry took his mind off his _situation_ by following Lux as she hobbled around the room, exploring. He loved his little adventures with her. He loved watching her grow up.

 

But as soon as Lux walked toward Louis and Eleanor, Harry nearly froze. That was one bee’s nest he didn’t want to step in. But he didn’t have a choice since he was the one with eyes on the baby.

 

“Luxy-Lux, come here you sweet thing!” Louis cooed, holding his arms out for her. She giggled as she picked up her pace and jumped into his arms.

 

Harry bit back a smile watching his best friend with the little girl. Louis was a natural with kids. He was the oldest of five, having grown up with four younger sisters. Harry watched as Eleanor gripped onto Lux’s wrist, bouncing it playfully as she smiled at the girl, and he tried his best to swallow the bitterness he felt.

 

“You uh… you got her?” Harry asked Louis.

“Yeah, we’ve got her.” Louis said, looking up at Harry briefly, putting a light emphasis on the word ‘we’ve’. Harry got the hint immediately.

“ _Ohh_ -kay.” He said, backing away from them, venturing toward Lou and Niall at the hair and makeup station.

 

 

The show went on without a hitch, even though Harry felt incredibly off. He was usually having loads of fun with Louis on stage, but tonight, much like the past few nights Louis hadn’t really done much to reciprocate anything.

 

It wasn’t until Harry began to sing _Rock Me_ that he got proof that his and Louis’ friendship wasn’t completely over.

 

As soon as Harry’s lines had been sung, Louis came up and slung his arm around his shoulder – which caused an outpouring of screams from the girls in the crowd. Relief flooded Harry, and the wide smile that took over his face couldn’t have been helped. His heart felt full for the first time in days. Louis sang the bridge, tightening his grasp around Harry before pulling away to move across the stage, like he normally would.

 

Harry’s eyes scanned the front row where he knew Eleanor would be with Lou, but she was gone. And Harry understood why Louis had done what he did. It was as if he felt free to be himself, felt free to be with his best friend without guilt.

 

Louis found Harry again during _Live While We’re Young_ , pulling him toward the center of the stage so they could to do the signature row boat move with the rest of the guys.

 

Harry felt exceptionally good as they finally left the stage. And the excitement level was high on the bus before they left. Eleanor was nowhere in sight and Harry couldn’t figure out why, but he didn’t want to be the one who asked Louis about it.

 

“Li…Li, where’s El?” Harry asked Liam quietly.

“Lou and Tom took her to the airport while we were onstage. She’s gone.” Liam informed him.

 

Immediately it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Maybe things wouldn’t be so weird anymore. Maybe Louis got over it.

 

A sneaky smile turned up Harry’s lips as he thought about how Louis had returned back to normal only when Eleanor was out of the picture. It was like someone had shut a door in his mind, and he was back.

 

“We should go out tonight.” Harry suggested to the group on a whim.

“Yeah. I’m down.” Louis replied immediately as his eyes connected with Harry’s. Harry’s heart exploded as he smiled up at his best friend.

“Cool.” Zayn said nodding his head.

 

They found themselves downtown in the VIP section of some hoity-toity club. Four-fifths of the band was underage, but their fame had perks, and their admittance was pretty much guaranteed. Harry watched from across the room as Louis laughed and drank with Liam, Zayn, and some other club goers. Harry sat sandwiched between Lou and Niall on a small red velvet couch, casually sipping from Lou’s straw, getting buzzed off of a particularly strong Long Island Ice Tea.

 

“Come, dance with me, Harry.” Lou said as she stood from the couch, pulling Harry up by the arm.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Harry said with a smile.

 

As Lou made a motion to set down her drink, Harry swiped it out of her hand, downing the last bit of it quickly.

 

“Well, alright then.” She laughed, grabbing Harry’s hand as she pulled him toward the stairs to go down to the main dance floor.

 

The music was loud and the bass boomed in Harry’s chest. The alcohol was crawling through his veins and he felt good. Really good. Lou tugged him into her arms as they both danced to the overly upbeat song. He smiled to himself thinking about the contact he and Louis had made onstage. He couldn’t wait for things to just be normal again.

 

When Harry casually peered up toward the VIP balcony, he found Louis looking down at him, watching everything he and Lou did together. Something told him he shouldn’t be surprised, but he kind of was. Their eyes connected through the dim lights of the club and Harry couldn’t look away. Lou was doing her best to have a good time, whereas Harry stood motionless in the middle of a crowded dance floor having a rather intense stare down with his estranged best friend.

 

Harry was the one to finally break eye contact when Lou grabbed his hands, moving his arms in a flowing rhythm to get him to start dancing again. He clumsily moved his feet to appease her before he caught another glimpse up at the balcony. Louis and Liam were both looking down now, but Harry noticed how Louis’ eyes never left him. Excitement ravaged him as his heart beat wildly in his chest with Louis’ attention on him.

 

A feeling of childish selfishness overwhelmed him and he wanted to make Louis feel as jealous as he made him feel with Eleanor. So Harry decided to really go for broke, dancing flirtatiously and provocatively with Lou, hoping it was doing the charm. His arms slid around her, pulling her close to him before swinging her around in his arms. Lou threw her head back, laughing freely as her arms gripped around Harry shoulders.

 

As he continued to dance with Lou, Harry tried to forget about the boy staring him down. He tried to forget how the boy made him feel, how he smelled, how contagious his laugh was, how his touch tingled his skin, how his lips felt against his own. He tried to forget, but he knew it was next to impossible.

 

 

The cabs dropped their party off at their hotel entrance around 1 am, and everyone was in good spirits, especially Harry. He had been so down in the dumps for days until it all turned around onstage that night. Now he was finally feeling better, and the carefree night out with his friends seemed to have been therapeutic.

 

“What do you want to do tonight? I’m not nearly ready for bed yet.” Zayn asked Harry as they climbed onto the bus that sat in the hotel parking lot so they could gather up their luggage.

“You two are hanging out tonight?” Louis asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Uh-oh.” Zayn smirked at Harry.

“Uh-oh, what?” Louis asked, eyeing Zayn.

“I uh… I was going to room with Zayn tonight.” Harry said finally, realizing that _this_ made Louis more jealous than dancing with any girl could have done. Louis was Harry’s _best_ friend after all.

“Oh.” Louis said, his facial features dropping immediately.

“You don’t have to.” Zayn cut in immediately, looking over at Harry sympathetically.

“No, it’s okay.” Louis said, casually waving his hand through the air. But there was nothing casual about it. Harry had known Louis long enough to know when he was upset or angry, and he was definitely both.

“I just thought…” Harry trailed off.

“I said it was okay, Harry.” Louis snapped, grabbing up his duffel bag before he quickly headed toward the front of the bus, traipsing off of it entirely.

“Damn it.” Harry said under his breath.

“I told ya he’d be pissed, mate.” Zayn said matter-of-factly. Harry let out a weighted sigh, feeling the pain envelope his heart once again.

“Bunk with Louis.” Zayn told him with a pat on his back before he too made his way off the bus.

 

Harry took in a deep breath before he cleared his throat, trying to push back the tears that stung in his eyes. He hated feeling like this. He hated fighting with Louis. He hated that the kiss came between them, even though he didn’t regret it, even though he’d probably do it again in a heartbeat.

 

Harry grabbed his knapsack and slung it over his shoulders before exiting the bus, following behind Zayn as they made their way toward the hotel.

 

 

When Harry unlocked his and Louis’ hotel door, Louis was already sitting on one of the two beds flipping through channels on the telly. Harry’s heart fluttered with another memory from that night – their playful fight over the television remote.

 

“Thought you were bunking with Zayn.” Louis chided him with the sneer in his voice.

“I just thought…” Harry sighed, letting his words trail off.

“I know what you thought.” Louis snapped.

“Actually you don’t, Louis. You wouldn’t know what I thought because you haven’t talked to me in nearly a week.” Harry erupted, tossing his knapsack onto the bed opposite of Louis.

“I’m too drunk for this, Harry.” Louis sighed, sliding his hands down his face.

“Yeah.” Harry sighed, letting the fight drain out of him, turning his back to Louis as he opened up his bag.

“I’m sorry.” Louis said quietly after a few moments.

 

Harry’s heart pounded in his chest. He wanted to know what Louis was apologizing for. Was he apologizing for being a complete git for the past week, or was he apologizing for the kiss? It was agonizing not knowing, but Harry didn’t have the guts to ask. He wasn’t prepared for the kind of rejection that came with the latter.

 

“Yeah.” Harry said, his voice shaking as he busied himself by idly digging in his bag.

 

After a few moments, Louis scoffed as he quickly got up from his bed, making his way to the bathroom. The slamming of the door rung in Harry’s ears as he stared helplessly at the closed door. All he felt in those lingering moments of silence was the rapid flow of adrenaline throughout his body as his heart beat in over-drive. He hated fighting with Louis, but he wasn’t about to forgive him so easily after one of the shittiest weeks of his life. Especially when he hadn’t done anything wrong.

 

Harry undressed into his boxer briefs before crawling up into his bed, shutting out the lights immediately. He wasn’t even going to wait for Louis to come out of the bathroom. In the moment, he didn’t care if the pitch black room caused Louis to stub his toe or trip over his own damn feet or whatever. Harry was upset because Louis was being a prick for absolutely no good reason. Why should Harry be sorry for what had happened? Harry wasn’t the one who initiated the kiss. That was all Louis.

 

Harry silently fumed in bed, trying his damndest to think of something else, but he couldn’t because… why the fuck was Louis _still_ in the bathroom? What could he possibly be doing in there for that long? _Stupid mind-numbingly frustrating boy!_

When the bathroom door finally opened, shedding a blast full of bright light into the main room, Harry shut his eyes up tightly, determined to pretend as if he were already asleep. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t hyperaware of everything Louis was doing.

 

Harry registered a low sigh come from his best friend as he switched off the bathroom light, leaving the hotel room dark again. He heard Louis take a few steps before he paused on his feet. Harry’s heartbeat was in his throat as he wondered what Louis was thinking, what he was going to do next. Louis moved the rest of the way toward his bed and Harry heard the rustling of the blankets, finally relaxing knowing they weren’t about to have another go-around at each other.

 

Harry snuggled his pillow tightly, bringing his legs up to his chest as he lay on his side. He felt so lonely being in that hotel room. He had never felt lonely with Louis ever, but lately that’s all he was feeling and it broke his heart. Just as Harry’s emotions began to get the better of him he felt the mattress dip from behind him, and he sucked in a breath as Louis got into bed with him.

 

His heartbeat picked up again, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. He was completely frozen in apprehension.

 

“I really am sorry, Harry.” Louis said in a low raspy voice that did things to Harry.

 

Louis’ heartfelt apology was enough to break the dam inside of Harry, causing a huge lump in his throat to form as the tears came freely.

 

“Harry…” Louis breathed, placing his hand on Harry’s back.

“ _Hmm_.” Harry half-grunted, trying to fight off his emotions before Louis had a chance of catching him blubbering like a baby.

“Did you hear me?” He asked quietly. Harry sucked in another breath and let it out slowly and silently.

“I heard you.” He croaked, clearing his throat in hopes of getting rid of the emotional lump in it.

 

Louis sighed deeply, and Harry felt his warm breath on his naked back, which caused an array of goose bumps to cover his skin.

 

“I’ve apologized twice now.” Louis said quietly. Harry held his breath, not sure of what he was supposed to say.

“Are you going to say anything at all?” Louis asked, impatience lacing his tone.

“What do you want me to say?” Harry turned his body slightly to stare down his absolutely clueless best friend.

“I don’t know. That you forgive me?” Louis asked, causing Harry to scoff.

“You don’t forgive me?” Louis asked incredulously.

“Why should I forgive you when nothing’s changed?” Harry asked, rolling back over, gripping tightly to his pillow.

“Nothing’s changed?” Louis repeated.

“ _EVERYTHING_ HAS CHANGED!” Harry erupted, sitting up quickly and spinning to look back at Louis, feeling like his heart was about to explode out of his chest.

“Harry.” Louis said calmly, reaching out to touch his arm, and Harry tried not to let the feel of his warm skin affect him. He needed to stand his ground.

“I know, Harry.” Louis cooed, and Harry immediately felt the fight drain out of him. He wanted to just break down and cry, but he was exhausted and felt it easier to choke back his emotions then to let them wash him away.

 

He dropped back against the mattress, facing Louis this time, and he watched as Louis also relaxed against the mattress, their heads on opposite pillows. Harry’s eyes had adjusted to the darkness and was able to make out Louis’ face just enough to know he was staring back at him.

 

“ _Harry_.” Louis cooed, and Harry felt his whole body react to it, a pleasing shiver running up his spine.

 

Harry closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head, knowing it was a bad idea to let Louis off the hook with no consequences for treating him like shit for the past six days. But when Harry’s eyes opened again, Louis’ face was significantly closer until he almost couldn’t see it anymore. He hadn’t realized what was happening until it happened, until Louis’ lips were planted on his, kissing him. Harry froze, wonder how in the fuck their friendship had any chance of survival if Louis kept doing this.

 

But apparently his self-control was non-existent when it came to Louis. It was another thing he was realizing much too late. Louis’ kisses grew more aggressive until Harry had no choice but to kiss him back. As if he wouldn’t though. Over the past six days he relived their previous kiss in his head constantly. During the most inopportune times it seemed. He’d be in an interview with all the guys and it would pop into his head and he’d be lost. Onstage, he literally almost missed his cue in a song because the kiss had overpowered his brain. Every time he watched Louis kiss Eleanor while she was in town he wondered if Louis was thinking of _their_ kiss. He wondered if he thought about it as much as Harry did. He wondered if it kept him up at night like it did to him.

 

Louis’ fingers came up to tangle in the back of Harry’s hair as he pressed forward, moving his mouth against Harry’s, prodding his tongue against his lips, begging for entrance. Harry adapted quickly. He let Louis lead, which seemed the best for the both of them.

 

Their tongues and legs tangled perfectly, and it sent a pleasing tremor through Harry. He almost wondered if he were dreaming. Had he really just fallen asleep waiting for Louis to get out of the bathroom? Was it all in his head?

 

When he heard Louis moan lowly against his mouth, he was convinced it was all a dream. But he could taste the alcohol on Louis’ tongue, he could smell his cologne as plain as day, and he wasn’t sure what to believe anymore.

 

His whole body tingled from Louis’ touch and he was certain he wouldn’t be able to hold back his arousal for much longer, especially since he was only wearing a small pair of boxer briefs. He was doing everything he could to keep from getting hard, but he wasn’t very good at it.

 

He pulled back, hating himself a little for breaking the kiss.

 

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Louis.” Harry hissed, his chest heaving as he tried to control his breathing and his traitorous body. Louis’ breathing was just as heavy and Harry took great comfort in that.

“I’m sorry.” Louis said finally and it caused Harry’s heart to sink.

“Don’t apologize for that.” Harry said lowly, feeling the urge to cry again.

“I’m not. I’m apologizing for the past week.” Louis said, sounding so incredibly nonchalant about it, that it made Harry’s eyes widen in wonder. Louis looked over at him, furrowing his eyebrows in question.

“What?” He asked finally.

“Nothing.” Harry croaked, his mouth suddenly so dry.

 

Louis’ laugh suddenly echoed off the walls, immediately triggering his own contagiously. Harry wasn’t sure what they were laughing about, but it felt good. When their laughter finally died off, it was just heartbeats in the dark. Two warm bodies, two pairs of eyes, two sets of lips. Harry watched Louis through the dark wishing he knew what the other boy was thinking. He would have sold his soul to the devil for that kind of information.

 

But in true Louis form, he came in like a wrecking ball, knocking Harry completely off his feet. In an instant, Louis’ lips were back on Harry’s, his body practically atop him. Harry giggled against his mouth, before once again adapting quickly to Louis’ advances. It didn’t take long before Harry realized that the hardness against his thigh was Louis’ _hardness_ , his arousal. Relief flooded him, relaxing in an instant, not feeling like such a heathen for his own arousal.

  
Their bodies melded perfectly with one another’s, and soon the two boys were engulfed in each other. Each kiss was better than the last. Each strategic touch was placed in an effort to please the other boy. The desire inside of Harry was palpable and he wanted more and more even though his eyes began to get heavy after such a long day. The sun was nearly on the rise and all Harry wanted to do was keep kissing his best friend.

 

But soon, their kisses began to slow, their movements lacking the fierceness they held before. And some time after the sun broke through over the horizon, they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope you enjoy the new chapter enough to leave a comment and/or a kudos! It took me awhile to write because I kept getting distracted by the real life Larry. Haha. :/
> 
> Thanks for reading! ♥
> 
>  
> 
> [smile--styles.tumblr.com/](http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/)


	3. 03

“I think I’m gay.” Harry said immediately after being let into Lou Teasdale’s hotel room the next morning.

“What?” Lou asked, stopping in her tracks to stare him down.

“I really think I am.” He told her.

“And why would you think that?” She asked.

“Because I like boys... well, _a_ boy.” Harry clarified.

“And who would this _boy_ be?” Lou asked, speaking slowly as her eyes quietly studied him.

“Louis.” Harry said lowly, watching as Lou’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open excitedly.

“Louis?” She breathed, a smile wide on her face.

“Louis.” He confirmed with a slight head nod.

“And how does Louis feel?” She asked carefully.

“I don’t know, and I’m freaking out!” Harry said quickly as he began to frantically pace back and forth.

“Wait, wait. Hold on. This needs some explanation. What is going on?” Lou asked, needing some sort of clarification.

“ _I like Louis_.” Harry growled, feeling frustrated over his _feelings_.

“I get that. But start from the beginning.” Lou coached him.

 

Harry let out a hard breath before sucking in another, looking up at Lou with huge guilty puppy-dog eyes.

 

“What?” She asked, quirking her eyebrow in question.

“He may have kissed me.” Harry confessed quietly.

 _“WHAT!?”_ Lou yelped loudly, causing Harry to bite back a smile.

“Louis kissed you!?” She asked, wide-eyed and waiting.

“You can’t tell anyone, Lou. Don’t tell anyone. I’m trusting you.” Harry told her quickly.

“Harry! Of course.” She scoffed at him.

“Pinky swear.” He said holding out his baby finger. She smiled widely as she looked up at him.

“Sometimes I forget how young and adorable you are. Of course I pinky swear.” Lou smiled fondly at him as she linked her pinky around his.

“Where are Tom and Lux?” Harry asked, looking around the hotel room.

“You’re choosing _now_ to wonder where Tom and Lux are? After coming in here proclaiming your homosexuality?” Lou smiled wildly at him.

“Cheeky.” He replied sending her a playful glare.

“They’re getting breakfast. Now _tell_ me.” She insisted.

“Well…” Harry started, feeling almost bashful even thinking about what happened between him and Louis.

“He kissed you last week, didn’t he?” Lou asked him as she studied his face.

“Yeah.” Harry said quietly.

“Oh, wow. That… it explains so much.” Lou said, looking as though she was really putting a lot of thought into it.

“What explains so much?” Harry asked furrowing his eyebrows in question.

 

Both Lou and Harry were startled as the hotel door opened, Tom and Lux strolling in hand-in-hand.

 

“Mummy!” Lux gasped running up to Lou.

“Hi, baby.” Lou smiled widely as she pulled Lux up in her arms.

“What’s up, mate?” Tom smiled at Harry, clapping his hand on his shoulder.

“How’s it going?” Harry said, his cheeks burning with blush because he realized that whatever he told Lou was most likely going to be relayed to Tom. He and Lou did pinky swear and all, but Harry knew how relationships worked.

 

It wasn’t as if Harry was embarrassed by his feelings. He wasn’t. But at these beginning stages, he felt it better that the less people who knew about him and Louis the better.

 

“Is it alright if Harry and I go grab some coffee? He needs to have a chat.” Lou asked Tom.

“Oh, sure. Come here, Luxy-Lou.” Tom smiled, grabbing Lux out of Lou’s arms.

“You’re the best, babe.” Lou smiled at him, before kissing his lips quickly.

 

 

Harry and Lou ventured away from the hotel to the Starbucks on the corner. Harry wasn’t entirely sure how much he felt like confessing in such a public setting, especially when he was stopped by numerous people to get his picture taken with them. So once they got their coffee, the two of them took a walk.

 

“Okay. The coast is clear. Please, tell me.” Lou said to him once they were a safe enough distance away from the Starbucks and any prying eyes or ears.

 

Harry took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

 

“He kissed you?” Lou asked when Harry didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“He kissed me.” Harry confirmed with a nod, thinking about the night on the tour bus.

“Last week?” Lou asked, trying to get the ball rolling.

“Last week on the tour bus. We were watching _Dr. Who_ together in the lounge, and I fell asleep on him. Like, we were on the couch and I fell asleep. And then… he woke me up. I don’t even remember why. But he told me he couldn’t sleep like that… on the couch… with the two of us together on it, I guess. And I don’t know. He just… he kissed me. It happened.” Harry explained.

“Like a peck?” Lou asked.

“Like a long, _long_ peck. And then there was tongue. A lot of tongue. But he stopped and again told me how he couldn’t sleep like that… like we hadn’t even just been kissing like a second before. And then he left. He walked out of the lounge and went to bed.” Harry continued.

“Wow.” Lou said watching the sidewalk as they traipsed across it.

“And then he didn’t talk to me for nearly a week, until yesterday. He even had Eleanor flown out for no good reason. It was rubbish. I… he really… I just—I don’t even know anymore.” Harry sighed, feeling like shit as he thought about the past week.

“And your revelation today about your sexuality was because…” Lou trailed off, hoping for Harry to finish her sentence.

“Because we spent hours last night snogging in bed.” Harry said bluntly, causing Lou to choke on air.

“We got into a fight and Louis even apologized, but I wasn’t ready to forgive him. I didn’t know how. And he got mad at me for it and locked himself in the bathroom for- _literally_ -ever. But when he came out, he crawled into my bed and apologized again. And it went on from there. And I’m bloody exhausted.” Harry explained.

“Sounds exhausting.” Lou commented.

“No. I’m _literally_ exhausted. I barely got a wink of sleep.” Harry smirked wildly at her.

“Oh, you!” Lou laughed, hip-checking him lightly as Harry let out a laugh.

 

The two of them walked in silence for a few moments. Harry was heavy in thoughts of Louis when Lou began to speak again.

 

“How was it this morning?” She asked carefully.

“Between me and Louis?” Harry asked as he looked over at her.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“Uh, it was okay. Louis was still tired, so I let him go back to sleep and I went to find you.” Harry told her with a shrug.

“So you haven’t really talked since?” She asked, marring her brow together in concern.

“Well, no. I mean, he was tired.” Harry stammered, feeling his cheeks heat up again.

“So aren’t you afraid of him giving you the silent treatment again?” Lou asked cautiously.

“He knows how it made me feel.” Harry said, tightening up as he thought about it.

“And what about Eleanor?” Lou asked, bringing up one of the things Harry tried hard as hell to not think about.

“I don’t know.” He said quietly, feeling shame over it.

“He’s cheating on her.” Lou pointed out.

“I know.” Harry whispered, feeling his cheeks burning up, knowing he was a willing participant in his best friend becoming a filthy cheater.

 

The two went silent again, finally deciding to turn around to head back to the hotel. Harry’s heart was heavy as he thought about Louis and Eleanor. He never meant for Louis to cheat on his girlfriend. He was completely blindsided by it in the beginning. But last night, he was a willing participant. And something inside of him knew that even if Louis didn’t break up with Eleanor, he was still going to participate. He hoped it didn’t make him a completely terrible person. Couldn’t they just use that Vegas rule? _What happens on tour, stays on tour?_ But Harry knew if he had his way, he wanted it to continue past tour.

 

Images of him and Louis in their flat bombarded him. He imagined Louis leaning in to kiss his neck as he stood in front of the sink doing dishes. Or perhaps a little cuddle on the couch while watching a footy-match. He could even see them sharing a bedroom.

 

Harry shut his eyes up tightly for a moment, trying to flush out his wishful thinking. He didn’t need that right now. Not when he had no idea what the hell Louis was thinking… _ever_. Not when Louis had a girlfriend. Louis wasn’t his and he needed to remember that.

 

“You’ve got yourself a dilemma, babe.” Lou spoke up, as if she spent their whole walk back to the hotel thinking of him and Louis.

“I do.” Harry nodded in acknowledgement as they reached the lobby.

  
They were silent as they went up the lift to the 3rd floor where their hotel rooms were. Lou walked him down to his hotel room and they paused outside the door.

 

“Go talk to him.” She advised, giving him a simple nod toward the door.

“I will.” Harry told her.

“See you in a little bit, Haz.” Lou said as she began to walk slowly down the hallway to her door.

“Hey, Lou.” Harry called out.

“Hmm.” She replied, turning back to eye him.

“Can we keep this just between us? For now.” He asked her.

“Sure, Haz. I pinky promised, remember?” She smiled at him.

“Like, not even Tom, okay.” He clarified.

“Sure.” She nodded.

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” He said softly.

“Anytime, Harry.” She smiled fondly at him before she continued her walk to her own room.

 

Harry slipped his hotel key card into the slot on the door and let himself in. He immediately heard the sound of the shower as he walked in, realizing that Louis left the bathroom door open. Harry’s heart beat wildly in his chest thinking about seeing Louis again after last night. He was anxious about things being weird between them. He didn’t want it to happen again. He just wanted Louis to get over whatever it was that made him turn into a completely different person in the light of day, when the alcohol left his veins and his inhibitions were built back up. Harry silently wondered if he was just going to end up being one of Louis’ drunken guilty pleasures. He felt a twinge of anger at the thought.

 

But as soon as he walked by the bathroom all thoughts were completely wiped from his mind. Harry had to do a double-take when he realized the shower stall had a glass door and he could see Louis as plain as day as he stood underneath the spray of the water. Harry only had a back view, but _my god_ , Louis had a phenomenal ass.

 

Harry’s mouth hung open as his eyes washed up and down Louis’ naked backside. He felt like a voyeur, and maybe he was, but he couldn’t seem to look away.

 

 _Christ_.

 

When Louis began to sing in the shower, Harry slid against the wall outside the bathroom, finally looking away from his naked friend as he listened to his beautiful voice.

  
 _“So stay there, ‘cause I’ll be coming over. While our blood’s still young. It’s so young, it runs. We won’t stop ‘til it’s over. Won’t stop to surrender.”_ Louis sang ‘Sweet Disposition’ by The Temper Trap, one of their very favorite bands.

 

Harry loved the song so much, and Louis knew it. He knew how much Harry fancied lovely ballads. And it sank in with Harry that maybe Louis was singing it because of him. Perhaps he wasn’t mortally wounded by what they had done with each other. Perhaps things were changing for the better with them.

 

Harry smiled to himself as he continued on into the hotel room, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. He opened up twitter, ready to express his feelings of elation to the world, as vague as they may be.

 

 **@Harry_Styles** : It’s a good day. #wontstoptosurrender

 

Harry blushed immediately after submitting the tweet. He and Louis still hadn’t talked. Would it really be a good day after that? He hoped so.

 

He was deep into scrolling his Facebook newsfeed when Louis finally emerged from the bathroom.

 

“You’re back.” Louis said simply, looking surprised to see Harry lounging in the bed the two of them shared the previous night.

“I’m back.” Harry smiled up at his friend.

“Where’d you run off to?” Louis asked as he crossed the room to his suitcase wearing only a bath towel around his waist. His body was dripping wet and it took everything Harry had not to stare.

“Got some coffee with Lou.” Harry answered vaguely as his eyes shamefully slid up and down Louis’ half naked form.

“It was too early for me. Still is. I just want to sleep.” Louis chuckled, digging in his suitcase for a pair of boxer briefs.

“Hmm.” Harry hummed in acknowledgement, trying to focus on his phone as Louis walked back to the bathroom.

 

As soon as Louis was out of eyesight and earshot, Harry let out a ragged breath. He felt a weight lift off of his shoulders over the fact that Louis was carrying a normal conversation with him. He wasn’t just stewing silently. He was actually communicating.

 

There was a loud knock on their hotel room door and Harry’s heart sank thinking about bus call and the long hours of traveling they had ahead of them. He didn’t want to do it. He just wanted to stay in this hotel room with Louis for as long as it took for them to really get things back in order.

 

“Harry, can you get it? I’m in my knickers.” Louis called to him, causing Harry to chuckle under his breath.

“Yeah. I’ve got it, Louis.” Harry told him as he scrambled out of the bed.

 

He crossed the room quickly, catching a glimpse of Louis standing in front of the mirror brushing his teeth in his stripped undies. He smiled, shaking his head as he pulled open the hotel door.

 

“Hello, love.” Their ‘tour mum’ Sally smiled at Harry from the hallway.

“Sally, hi.” He smiled back at her.

“Sally!” Louis shouted from the bathroom with a mouthful of toothpaste.

“Glad to see you’re awake. I had to use my key to get into Zayn’s room because he was still sleeping. And you’re dressed. Even better.” Sally smiled fondly at him.

“Well, Louis’ running around in his knickers.” Harry smirked, leaning back to get another glimpse of him in the bathroom.

“Bus call is in an hour. That means we’re pulling out of the parking lot at that time. No dilly-dallying.” She smiled at him.

“No dilly-dallying. Yes, Ma’am.” Harry smirked mischievously at her as he saluted her with his hand.

“Cheeky.” She smiled at him, and he sent her a wide, toothy grin.

“One hour.” She reminded him.

“One hour.” He nodded before she parted from their doorway.

“Buses are leaving in an hour, Louis.” Harry called to his best friend as he made his way back to his bed.

“Wanna get some breakfast?” Louis asked, peeking his head out the bathroom door.

 

Harry’s smile went on for miles at Louis’ request.

 

“Sure.” Harry called back as he flopped back down on the mattress.

 

Today was definitely a good day.

 

 

It wasn’t until they were out of the city limits, piled back on the bus like a bunch of sardines in a tin can, that Harry went on twitter again to tweet a picture of the barren road ahead of them. It was then that he read a reply to his previous tweet that had him smiling from ear to ear again.

 

            **@Louis_Tomlinson:** @Harry_Styles as I recall, I was singing that song in the shower this morning. #sweetdisposition.

 

Harry bit his lip as he looked up at Louis who was sitting on one of the front couches on the bus with his legs up and his headphones in his ears. The sun shone on him perfectly, and made Harry’s heart skip a beat. Harry smiled wildly as he looked back down at his phone to type out a reply.

 

            **@Harry_Styles:** @Louis_Tomlinson you sang it well. #myfavorite

 

As soon as Harry had submitted the tweet, he looked up to find Louis digging in the pocket of his sweatpants for his phone. Harry’s stomach fluttered when he realized that he must have had some sort of notification for _his_ twitter on his account. As Louis scanned his phone, Harry watched as a smile turned up his lips and he hoped it was because of what his tweet said.

 

Harry got quiet confirmation when Louis looked up at him, giving him that same sweet smile. Harry wanted to melt. He wanted to dive-bomb Louis’ couch and crawl into his arms. But instead, he just smiled back, appreciating the quiet bond he and Louis were currently forming.

 

He loved Louis. He always had. And with every little smile, and every strategic kiss, Harry’s feelings only grew stronger. And he didn’t see them fading any time soon.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're liking it so far! There's much more ahead for Larry. Much more. ;)
> 
> I love reading your words, so please leave me a comment, or even just a kudos! It would make my day! ♥
> 
> [smile--styles.tumblr.com/](http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/)


	4. 04

As the band and their handlers rode in up in the hotel elevator after a particularly wild night out, Harry leaned against the wall trying his damndest to not let the jolt of the elevator car make him lose his balance. He was never particularly steady on his feet, and well, after the amount of drinks he consumed that night, his blood-alcohol level wasn’t helping any.

Harry let the conversations of the other lads fade out until it was just background noise all around him. He was exhausted. He could feel it in his bones. Sleep would be welcomed like an old friend. But from across the lift, Harry’s eyes caught the blue stare that was zeroed in on him. He swallowed hard, knowing exactly what was on Louis’ mind from just that one look.

It had been going on for a couple weeks now, yet neither of them spoke of it. Once the morning came, it all became a dirty little secret. In the light of day, Louis Tomlinson was straight as an arrow. But on nights like these, nights where Louis’ blood was swimming in alcohol, Harry was all he could see. The look in Louis’ eyes both excited him, and scared the ever-loving shit out of him at the same time.

He never knew which Louis he’d get. Would it be the gentle boy who just wanted to kiss and cuddle? Or would he get a Louis from the other end of the spectrum – aggressive and wild? Harry bit at his lip as the question was quickly answered without another thought. Louis’ eyes were almost feral as he stared across at the other boy, and Harry knew what he was in for.

The ding of the elevator broke Harry out of his thoughts, his head turning to watch as the doors opened slowly. He hung back trying to regain his composure as the rest of the group shuffled out of the small vessel, but it was of no use, not when he knew what was about to happen the second he was alone with the boy who occupied his mind more often than not.

He and Louis were the last to exit, his body tingling with unprecedented excitement the closer he got to the boy. Louis was quiet, but Harry could see the lust already swimming in his eyes, and he knew the last thing he would be doing was sleeping once he reached the hotel room.

All of the other boys disappeared into their respective rooms with a chorus of “goodnight’s” and “see you in the morning’s”. And as soon as Harry slipped into his and Louis’ hotel room, he heard the door shut tight with the unmistakable click of the lock. He wasn’t able to take more than five steps before Louis caught his arm, pulling him back before pressing him firmly against the adjacent wall. Louis pressed his lips against Harry’s in a hardened kiss, their chests slamming together, nearly knocking the wind out of Harry. But he didn’t let it deter them. He kissed back with as much ferocity as Louis, their tongues tangling immediately. The front of Harry’s shirt was pulled and stretched as Louis’ fists balled around it. Harry didn’t know what to do with his own hands, so he rested them on the other boys hips, his fingers digging into the flesh of Louis’ love handles. Harry loved when they were this close. As a matter of fact, he lived for it. He just wished Louis didn’t need to be drunk to participate.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Lou.” Harry panted breathlessly, finally breaking the abrasive kiss.

Louis pulled back to look at the younger boy, both their chests heaving, fighting for air. Harry quietly studied Louis’ sharp features. He looked like he wanted to eat him alive and it sent a pleasing tingle up Harry’s spine before shooting a jolt right through to his dick.

It was Harry who connected the kiss again, wrapping his long fingers around the back of Louis’ neck as he pressed in harder and harder. He wanted to taste every inch of Louis’ mouth, and he was almost certain Louis’ would let him with the mood he was in. But the clumsy shuffling of Harry’s feet had him stumbling back into the wall, breaking the kiss again.

Louis didn’t let it sour the mood though, tugging Harry’s blazer off his shoulders, almost stringing him up helplessly as the sleeves caught around his arms.

“Bugger!” Harry grumbled as he tried to wiggle out of the garment. Louis pushed up his thin t-shirt, not stopping for a second in his quest to get the younger boy undressed.

Harry finally dropped the jacket to the floor before immediately lifting his arms as Louis pulled the shirt up and off of him.

Their mouths connected again as Louis’ fingers fumbled against the front of Harry’s tight black jeans. With one swift flick of his fingers, Harry’s pants were popped open and Louis’ hands were sliding around Harry’s hips before dipping down into the seat of his pants, grabbing a handful of Harry’s ass. Harry moaned against Louis’ mouth as their fronts pressed together from the force of Louis’ tug on him. He could feel Louis’ arousal against his thigh and it took his dazed mind to very pleasurable places.

Harry’s head spun as his perception of the room began to sway and contort until he realized it was just Louis’ leading him away from the wall to the nearest bed. It wasn’t his drunken mind playing tricks on him.

A goofy grin tugged up the younger boy’s lips as his body fell backwards and bounced against the mattress. He heard the hint of a laugh out of Louis before he felt his boots being pulled off, followed by his pants. When his eyes roamed over Louis’ frame, his brow immediately marred together at the sight of him. It wasn’t fair that he was laid out in just his striped underwear, whereas Louis was fully dressed having all the fun.

“No fair.” Harry whined as he sat up, tugging at the bottom hem of Louis’ jumper.

He hoped his fruitless attempt was enough to convey what he wanted, which was for Louis to be as naked as he was, if not more. He was thoroughly pleased when Louis lifted his top in one fell swoop, discarding it onto the floor. Harry’s eyes washed down Louis’ bare chest, wanting nothing more than to connect his lips to the warm skin. He wanted to hear the breathless whimpers escape Louis throat as his kisses tickled a trail across the flesh. But Louis was standing too far a distance away.

Harry desperately thrust out his arms, wiggling his fingers at the older boy. He probably looked more like a child begging for candy than a grown man trying to lure in the object of his desire. But he paid it no mind, and watched as Louis took a step into his grasp, silently begging to be touched.

Harry tugged the older boy forward until he was standing between his open thighs. His hands gripped around the back of Louis’ own thick, athletic thighs, pressing a chaste kiss to his navel. He was rewarded with the hitching of Lou’s breathing, and smiled into his next kiss that landed just a bit lower than the last.

Harry’s slender fingers fumbled to undo Louis’ pants as he continued kissing across his stomach, and as the frustration built up inside of him, he was forced to focus solely on undressing the boy. Apparently alcohol and multi-tasking did not mix well in Harry’s world. But soon Louis’ pants were at his ankles and he was kicking out of them before he leaned down, connecting his mouth to Harry’s again.

Seconds later, they were both tumbling down against the mattress, Louis landing on top of Harry as their kisses heated up significantly. Alcohol flowed through their veins as their limbs and tongues tangled together. A satisfied moan escaped unabashedly from Harry’s mouth as Louis bucked his hips against Harry’s. There were starbursts in his eyes as the pleasure engulfed him. He wanted more. And as Louis thrust forward once again, Harry almost couldn’t contain himself.

“ _Christ_.” He gasped as his hands slid shamelessly over Louis’ fit bum.

Louis bit at Harry’s bottom lip before his tongue slid back in to move with his. Harry took the kiss greedily, even though it was increasingly hard to catch his breath. Louis’ lower body rutted against Harry’s once again, pleasure spiking in both of their bodies, causing Harry to whimper against the older boy’s mouth. He knew he was close. It had been pent up inside of him for awhile, and he was certain if Louis kept it up, he was going to make a mess out of his boxer briefs. A part of him absolutely didn’t mind, just as long as Louis would follow.

Harry’s heart hammered against his rib cage as the two continued their romp above bed sheets. His mind buzzed with thoughts of only Louis; thoughts of what was, what is, and what could be. He’d never push Louis to do anything he didn’t want to do, but he sure hoped they were at least running down the same path together.

As the air filled with the weathered sound of their breathing, Louis’ thrusts picked up a steady pace against Harry’s. The younger boy soon felt the pulling deep in his stomach; the quiet tingling in his lower half; the dryness on the tip of his tongue – all the makings of a perfect orgasm.

Louis’ face pressed into the crook of Harry’s neck, his breathing whirring past his ear, sending goose bumps cascading down his flesh. The moment was perfect. Everything about it. And as Harry’s orgasm built inside of him, he let out a choked moan in response.

“I’m gonna—” He managed to say in sort of a breathy whisper. Just enough to give Louis a heads-up.

And in perfect fucking form, Louis pressed harder against Harry, his hips explicitly rolled against the younger boys in the most sensual and heart-stopping of ways that it threw Harry completely over the edge. He came in a white hot blaze, groaning loudly as he did.

Louis’ rhythm lasted only _one, two, three_ more thrusts before he was moaning Harry’s name in his ear, coming only seconds after.

Louis lay atop Harry, both boys fighting to catch their breath, not moving a muscle. Harry was certain he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. His bones felt like jelly, his muscles completely liquid. He was entirely spent in the best kind of way.

Louis broke away only after their breathing had evened out, after Harry’s eyes closed and he felt so content in the older boy’s arms that he was okay with falling asleep in his soiled undergarment. Louis rolled off of Harry onto his back, letting out a pleased sigh in the process.

“We’re a mess.” He breathed, letting a light laugh slither out with it.

Harry wasn’t sure exactly what Lou meant by his statement, because it could have been construed in many ways – and it was, in Harry’s mind.

“Yeah.” Harry replied quietly in his deep drawl.

“I’m too tired to make it to the loo.” Louis chuckled through the dimness.

“Here.” Harry said, leaning toward the night stand to pull a few tissues out of the awaiting box.

“Thanks.” Louis said as he took them from Harry’s grasp.

Harry grabbed a few for himself before his eyes fell back on his mate who was pushing down the sides of his underwear to clean himself up. It wasn’t as if Harry hadn’t seen Louis’ cock before. He had many times. Just not under these pretenses. In all the nights they had been fooling around, they had never gotten completely naked with one another. The farthest they had gone was snogging and frotting above and between the sheets.

Harry almost felt like a voyeur as he watched his friend clean himself up, so he used up all his self-control to peel his eyes away and begin the tedious task of cleaning himself up.

Minutes later when Louis had finished his business, he discarded his soiled underwear onto the floor before climbing naked underneath the sheets. Harry followed suit, doing the same, and felt the excitement race through him at the thought of them sleeping naked with one another.

As soon as the lights were put out, Harry’s eyes slipped shut, and he fell asleep with a smile on his face, comfortable and sound with the only person he wanted to be with in that moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart grows for these two every day. And I mean the real life Larry as well as this fictional duo I've began to make-up. Thank you so much for reading and appreciating these two as much as I do! I would love it so much if you were to leave a comment or a kudos! You're the best! Thanks!


	5. 05

“Harry!” Louis shouted moments before Harry was knocked to his feet, tackled straight onto the couch in the dressing room.

“Christ, Lou. What was that for?” Harry groaned as he gripped the side of his hip where Louis’ shoulder had collided with it dead on. Louis just laughed mischievously, laid out horizontally against Harry, his feet up on the arm of the couch.

“Was that necessary?” Harry asked, looking down at his best mate.

“Yes.” Louis said simply, finally sitting up, but not bothering to move any further away from Harry.

“Glad to see you two are back to normal.” Liam said from the couch next to the two boys.

“Are we?” Louis asked, looking at Harry with his eyes and nose playfully scrunched up in question. Harry immediately mimicked the gesture and couldn’t help but smile back at Louis with a big cheesy grin. Things had been _really_ good between the boys as of late.

“Wasn’t really aware things were any different at all.” Louis stated, turning his gaze back on Liam.

“Are you joking?” Zayn snorted, giving them both an odd look.

“A couple of weeks ago I thought the Larry Stylinson bromance was over for good.” Liam scoffed playfully, and Harry couldn’t help but blush at the nickname. The Larry Stylinson b _romance_ was in full swing and then some.

“Why is that?” Louis asked, quirking his eyebrow, doing a stunning job of feigning ignorance. Harry would have applauded his magnificent acting skills had he not been silently pulled into the farce by Louis and their newfound _friends-with-benefits_ status.

“Because you weren’t speaking…” Liam said, looking at Louis like he had lost his mind.

“Who says?” Louis asked, cocking his head as he looked at Liam.

“Oh, come off it.” Zayn chimed in again, and Harry felt his whole body flare with heat because he knew Zayn knew things had definitely been off with the two of them.

“I don’t really know what any of you are talking about.” Louis said, still playing dumb.

“The week Eleanor flew out.” Niall called from the other side of the room, and it caused Harry to stifle a laugh. He hadn’t thought Niall was even paying attention.

“Oh well, that explains it. I was spending time with Eleanor.” Louis said simply.

 

Zayn’s eyes caught Harry’s, giving him a look of pure question, trying to read him. Zayn knew much more than Louis knew he did. All Harry could do was bite his lip and shrug his shoulders at Zayn.

 

“No. That was not it.” Liam said firmly, shaking his head.

“Okay, Li. Whatever you say.” Louis laughed lightly.

“What do you mean you weren’t fighting? Ya wouldn’t even look at each other.” Niall pointed out, dragging the conversation out further.

“I don’t recall.” Louis told him.

 

Harry remained silent. He didn’t want to say anything that would end up upsetting Louis. And frankly, he wasn’t sure how much he wanted the rest of the boys to know about their situation quite yet.

 

“You’re awfully quiet, Harry.” Zayn pointed out, cocking his eyebrow in question.

 

Harry looked up tentatively into Zayn’s dark eyes. Zayn had been the most enlightened about their feud after getting quiet confirmation about it when Harry asked to room with him during that time.

 

“Nah.” Harry said, shaking his head.

“I thought we were mates. Are we keeping secrets now?” Liam asked, laying the guilt on heavily.

“Oh, Li-Li. That’s not necessary.” Louis crooned, marring his eyebrows playfully as he looked at his friend.

“It’s not necessary to be keeping secrets either.” Liam pointed out.

“Who’s keeping secrets? Nothing’s going on. Harry and I had an off week, I guess. Eleanor was here. Maybe that’s why it seemed like we were fighting, but we weren’t.” Louis explained, his lies flowing smoothly off of his tongue.

 

Harry’s stomach turned as he bit his tongue, realizing it would be best to just go with Louis’ lie.

 

Liam stood on his feet quickly, giving the two of them a steady glare, before disappearing out of the door of their dressing room. Both boys realizing Louis’ feeble lie was not enough to convince Liam.

 

“What? What did I say?” Louis called after him.

 

Niall sat across the room staring skeptically at the two boys in question. Harry tried not to look guilty as his eyes met Niall’s, but it was of no use.

 

“I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I hope ya know we’re your best mates and you can tell us things.” Niall told them with what looked like disappointment in his eyes. Harry felt the guilt spread thick throughout his insides.

“Niall! Nothing is going on! Harry and I are mates. What the hell?” Louis laughed uncomfortably.

“Alright.” Niall said finally, but he didn’t look convinced.

“I swear! Stop looking at us like we’ve wronged you somehow.” Louis scoffed.

“Alright, alright.” Niall said with a laugh.

 

Harry’s eyes met with Zayn’s, and Zayn gave him a knowing nod. It only made Harry feel worse. But what he could do? Louis was calling the shots. He felt bad enough that he told Lou about their situation, he didn’t want to be the one to cross the line and tell all of their mates they had kissed and it messed up things between them for a little while. Because that would just lead to more questions, and more questions could get him into more trouble.

 

“Where’d you get the love bites, Harry?” Zayn asked, changing the subject. But Harry knew deep down by the challenge in his eyes and tone that Zayn wasn’t actually changing the subject, not really.

 

Harry’s eyes flared almost immediately as his fingers came up to touch his collarbone, exactly where the tiny hickey’s marred his flesh.

 

“Were you on the pull again, Harry?” Louis asked nonchalantly without missing a beat, looking over at his best mate.

 

Harry’s insides were knotted up, and he almost couldn’t breathe as his blood pressure skyrocketed. It was Louis who had given him the damn hickey’s the night before and something inside of him told him Zayn already knew that.

 

“Y-yeah.” Harry stammered, feeling like his mind was spiraling.

“What was her name?” Zayn asked firmly, and Harry knew he was digging for information, trying to catch him in a lie.

“I don’t know.” Harry said softly, not even trying to come up with one.

“I hope she was cute.” Zayn said before turning his steady gaze on Louis for a moment.

 

Harry was almost certain Zayn had put two and two together about him and Louis, but he wasn’t going to confirm it.

 

“She was.” Harry said, trying not to sound like he was about to shit his pants.

“I reckon.” Zayn said with a light laugh that sounded more like a scoff than anything. His intense eyes stared Harry down for a moment before Harry looked away guiltily.

 

 

 

After spending the next day in interview after interview, then spending the night attending a charity event, the five boys and their entourage decided to let loose at the after-party. But after a few drinks, Harry couldn’t help it when the jealousy swelled up in him watching Liam chat Louis’ ear off for most of the night.

 

“Looks like Li and Lou worked through the little fight from yesterday.” Zayn commented, coming up from behind Harry, sitting down next to him at a table.

“Looks like it.” Harry scoffed before realizing how it made him sound.

“You and Louis—?” Zayn asked, letting his question trail off without even asking a question in the first place. But Harry knew this conversation was coming. He knew ever since Zayn’s third degree about the hickey’s on Harry’s neck.

 

Harry let out a large sigh in response to Zayn’s indirect question.

 

“You two are… more than mates?” Zayn questioned, almost sounding supportive.

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it, Zayn.” Harry sighed again.

“But you are? You can tell me.” Zayn pressed, causing Harry’s stomach to tie into tight knots. But he remained silent, trying to come up with something to get Zayn to drop the subject.

“I’m guessing it started right before your fight?” Zayn asked, hitting the nail right on the head.

“Zayn…” Harry sighed once again, feeling like his mind was spiraling out of control.

“You know, we won’t care. We love you guys like brothers. If you and Louis—” Zayn began to explain, but Harry couldn’t let him go on.

“I know.” He said cutting Zayn off before the conversation spiraled.

“Just so you know.” Zayn said quietly, his vision falling away from Harry’s.

“I know.” Harry said quietly, trying to swallow back his emotions as he looked up to find Louis nearly rolling with laughter over something Liam had said to him.

“You’re okay though?” Zayn asked, pulling Harry out of his own head.

“I’m okay.” Harry whispered with a nod of his head.

“Good.” Zayn said finally, clamping his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

 

 

 

Harry sat in the back of the SUV on the way to the hotel that night watching Louis from the corner of his eye. He studied every feature of Louis’ he could through the dim light. Every time the cab of the truck lit up from a passing streetlight Harry got a new look at him, and it only fueled the thoughts in his mind. He wasn’t drunk, but he was tipsy enough to play it off as drunk. And he wanted to be the one to make the first move tonight. He wanted to test the water’s to see if Louis would run with it or run away.

 

And once all the parting words had been said, and once Louis and Harry were safely shut up in their hotel room alone, and once Louis stood over his luggage looking for something to wear to bed, Harry made his move.

 

Harry gripped onto Louis’ arm, spinning his body to face him. Louis looked startled, but Harry paid it no mind, crashing his lips into the older boy’s. When Harry heard Louis moan against his mouth, it was all uphill from there. He felt Lou’s fingers grip onto his hips as his own hands slipped up into Louis’ jumper, worshipping his heated flesh.

 

When he finally broke the kiss and pulled away, both boy’s chests were heaving from lack of oxygen.

 

“ _Christ_ , Harry.” Louis sighed, letting his back hit the wall, supporting himself against it.

“Louis.” Harry breathed out the boy’s name, sending him a lust-filled stare.

 

He watched as Louis bit his bottom lip, sending back an equally as lust-filled look, and Harry knew what to do.

 

Harry sank to his knees in front of Louis, and he swore he could hear the hitching in Louis’ breathing as he did. His fingers fumbled against the older boy’s zipper and was able to get it undone without any major setbacks. As Harry’s fingers peeled back the sides of Louis’ fly, his eyes set on the noticeable bulge in the older boy’s pants. _He_ had done that. _He_ had been responsible for turning Louis on. That thought made his smile widen tenfold.

 

Without even thinking, Harry slid his palm softly up the harden contour of Louis’ shaft. Louis automatically let out a noticeable sigh, sounding more or less like he had gotten everything he had ever wanted in that moment.

 

“Harry.” Louis whispered.

“ _Shh_.” He replied immediately, not wanting the moment to be ruined by anything.

 

Harry’s fingers curled around the waistband of Louis’ underwear and slowly tugged it down, letting Louis’ cock spring free from its hold.

 

“Harry.” Louis said again, and Harry finally allowed himself to look up into his eyes. But Louis didn’t say anything. He just stared back into the eyes of the younger boy. Harry tried to read him, but he wasn’t able to in such dim lighting.

“Have you ever been sucked off, Louis?” Harry asked boldly in a bout of overconfidence. He knew Louis had before, but Harry was almost confident he would be the first boy to wrap his mouth around Louis’ cock, and he found comfort in that somehow.

“Harry.” Louis said again, his voice nearly whimpering, and Harry was able to finally place the look in his mate’s eyes – vulnerability.

“It’s okay.” Harry said, reaching up to wrap his hand around Louis’ hardened shaft.

 

Harry watched as Louis’ head tipped back as he bit at his lip from just one touch. It made him feel powerful. Harry’s smile turned up again before he licked his lips and leaned forward.

 

With a gentle stroke of his tongue, Harry lapped up the precum on the head of Louis’ cock, and he was rewarded with a soft moan from Louis. The moan only helped fuel him. He leaned forward again letting his tongue glide smoothly all around the tip before he let his lips wrap around it.

 

“ _Fuck_ , Harry.” Louis hissed, looking down into Harry’s wide eyes as he looked up to catch Louis’ reaction.

 

As Harry’s tongue and lips worked simultaneously, he began a wet bob on Louis’ shaft, learning as he went. He adapted quickly with Louis’ moans and groans and heavy breathing. Harry learned that Louis’ breathing picked up with every fast bob, and he learned that Louis’ breathing stopped altogether when he took in his entire length. Harry took it as a good sign and did it a few more times, causing Louis to let out a heavily weighted breath each time Harry let up. He had never done something like this before, and every part of him was grateful that it was with Louis.

 

“ _Fuck._ ” Louis groaned as his fingers tangled in Harry’s hair.

 

As one hand pumped at the base of Louis’ cock, Harry almost couldn’t control the other one as it snaked up into Louis’ jumper, feeling the taut flesh of Louis’ chest and abdomen as he continued to suck him off.

 

Louis’ body began to writhe against the wall as his fingers fisted into Harry’s hair, tighter and tighter.

 

“Christ, Harry. I’m gonna come.” Louis groaned. Harry looked up to see Louis’ eyes shut tightly, his bottom lip nearly purple from biting it so hard.

“ _Mmhmm_.” Harry moaned against his cock, causing another hiss out of the older boy.

“Harry, its fucking coming.” Louis warned again, but Harry made no move to pull back. Instead, he slid Louis’ length fully into his mouth once again, triggering Louis’ orgasm almost immediately.

“Harry… _fuck_.” Louis moaned loudly, coming into the back of Harry’s throat. Harry’s automatic reflexes kicking in, swallowing it down without difficulty, silently praising himself for it.

 

The night ended with Louis in his arms after being completely sated by a hand job the older boy had given him between the sheets in the darkness of their hotel room.

 

 

 

“How’re ya, Harry?” Lou asked Harry as they sat comfortably in Lou and Tom’s hotel room the next afternoon.

“Mm, good.” Harry said with a pleasurable sigh as he brought his teacup up to his lips and took a hot sip.

 

The pitter patter of rain seemed to relax Harry as he sat in a big brown comfortable chair. He always loved having days off, more so because he always felt like he could take the time to enjoy the little things he usually missed on a day to day basis – like tea and biscuits on a rainy day.

 

“How are you and Louis getting on?” Lou asked with a small smirk at the corner of her lips.

“ _Mm_ , good.” Harry answered, unexpectedly exaggerating the hum in his response.

“That good?” Lou asked, quirking her eyebrow in question.

“Louis’ good.” Harry said as a smile captivated every feature on the boy’s face – from the tug on his lips to the crinkle in his eyes to the blush that heated up his cheeks.

“You are smitten with him, yeah?” Lou asked with a happy smile on her face.

“You could say that.” Harry said vaguely, biting his lip as he thought about how he had the pleasure of going down on the boy the night before.

“That’s all you’re going to give me then, eh? You confide in me that you may be gay and that you’ve fallen for your best mate, yet you keep the details from me in the end?” Lou snickered as she watched the younger boy.

“I don’t know. It’s like I feel like it’s too good to be true maybe. He’s my best mate. Are things like this supposed to happen?” Harry smiled over at her.

“It happens all the time, Harry. Tom used to be my best mate. He still is.” Lou explained, sending him a fond smile.

“I sucked him off last night. Louis, I mean. Not Tom.” Harry admitted, feeling the blush burning in his cheeks.

“You did?” Lou gasped, her hand clamping over her mouth.

“I did. And it was good.” Harry nodded, smiling proudly.

“Was it your first?” Lou asked, her eyebrows heightening into a pleased look.

“It was.” Harry nodded, letting his eyes fall away from Lou’s in a moment of bashfulness.

“Harry Styles, what has gotten into you?” Lou laughed playfully, and Harry couldn’t help but laugh too.

“Are you going to sleep with him?” Lou asked, causing Harry to choke on the sip of hot tea he just swallowed, his esophagus burning as his began to cough.

“Sorry, love.” Lou snickered, handing him a napkin from the tray the hotel staff sent up with the tea.

“You could’ve warned me.” Harry laughed as he set his teacup down before wiping at his mouth.

“Warn you the next time I bring up you and Louis having sex?” She asked, quirking her eyebrow playfully.

“Preferably.” Harry smirked.

“Have you thought about it?” She asked curiously.

“Have I thought about it? Yeah. Of course I’ve thought about it.” Harry scoffed immediately. He had thought about it in great detail. So much detail that he blushed thinking about how deviant his mind was at times.

“Are you prepared?” She asked, confusing Harry just a little. Was he prepared, to what? Fuck his best friend?

“Yeah?” He answered, his word coming out less confident then he wanted it to.

“Harry, Harry, Harry.” Lou said, tutting her tongue at him.

“What?” He asked, giving her a skeptical look.

“Men and women are completely different.” Lou started, confusing Harry even further.

“Thank you for the basic knowledge, Professor.” Harry retorted playfully.

“Harry, if you’re going to fuck a man, you’re going to need to be prepared.” Lou blurted out, causing Harry to look around the room to evaluate the level of their privacy even though he knew Lux was the only other person in the suite, and she was asleep in the other room.

“What are you going on about?” Harry finally replied.

 

Lou let out a sigh before setting her teacup down and getting up from her chair. Harry watched as she disappeared into the suite’s bedroom, wondering if he had upset her with his obliviousness.

 

But soon Lou slipped back out of the bedroom, hands full, causing Harry’s eyes to widen immediately.

 

“Here.” Lou said, dropping a handful of condoms and a bottle of KY lubricant into his lap.

“ _Christ_.” Harry hissed, looking down at the items.

“Those will help. And besides, I figure it might look weird if cameras catch you buying that stuff.” Lou smirked at him knowingly.

“Thanks?” Harry said, looking up at her with wide, almost frightened eyes.

“Thank me later.” She smiled before picking up her cup and taking another sip.

 

Harry swallowed hard wondering how the hell he was going to smuggle the items back to his hotel room so he could bury them into the deep depths of his luggage until further notice.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I appreciate the comments and kudos! They are always welcomed! :)
> 
> Follow me on tumblr:  
> http://jbfa-lisa.tumblr.com/  
> http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/


	6. 06

Harry woke to the sound of rain drops thudding on the roof of the bus. It had been raining for three mind-numbing days straight, and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take of it.

 

“Haz…” Harry heard, startling him out of his thoughts, realizing immediately that Louis was sitting on the edge of the lounge couch with him, and his hand on Harry’s thigh was the reason he had awoken in the first place.

“Lou, what are you—” Harry said quietly, sitting up slightly, almost immediately noticing the look in Louis’ eye. The light was dim in the lounge, but Harry still saw how Louis’ eyes glazed over, his pupils dilated to a crazy degree.

“You’re soaked.” Harry whispered his observation, noticing Louis’ usual fringe was now slicked back because of the rain.

 

Harry watched as Louis licked his lips, and he felt the stirring in his belly as the heat began to rise inside of him. Louis was in a mood. And it was a mood Harry very much liked.

 

Louis’ hand sunk deeper down the inside of Harry’s thigh, causing Harry’s cock to twitch almost immediately as Louis’ knuckles grazed against it. Harry couldn’t help the hitching of his breathing or the slight writhing of his body from Louis’ touch. He almost didn’t know how to handle himself. Usually when they spent any time doing anything sexual it was after both of them had been drinking. It was like the alcohol made Louis brave. But right now, sober-Louis was looking at Harry like he wanted to devour him.

 

“On the tour bus?” Harry croaked out when Louis leaned in to kiss Harry’s lips.

 

Louis wrenched back before their lips made contact, looking questioningly into Harry’s eyes.

 

“Everyone’s in the venue.” Louis said matter-of-factly.

“Someone could easily come on.” Harry whispered, wondering why in the hell he was even questioning any of it. His dick was already rock hard in his tight-fitting black jeans. He wanted it just as badly as Louis.

“In a down pour? Not bloody likely.” Louis scoffed under his breath.

“You did.” Harry pointed out.

“For you.” Louis countered, making Harry’s stomach turn with excitement. _For him_. Louis was there for him.

“Oh.” Harry said quietly, his eyes wide as his gaze wandered about Louis’ face.

“I’ve locked the door. No one’s getting in, Styles.” Louis said, his voice husky, letting the ‘s’ on the end of Harry’s last name slither off his tongue in the sexiest way possible.

 

Louis had him at ‘locked door’. Harry leaned forward, crashing his lips painfully against Louis’.

 

“ _Fuck_.” Louis groaned against the younger boy’s mouth, but still didn’t let the hardness of the kiss deter him. He kissed Harry back with a fierceness and hunger that only drew Harry in further.

 

Excitement curled up Harry’s spine as he felt Louis’ fingers fumble at his belt buckle. He broke the kiss only to pull back, giving the older boy some room to undress him. Harry’s chest heaved trying to catch his breath as Louis worked fast and efficiently at undoing his pants.

 

“Feet down, Haz.” Louis said standing on his own feet, tapping at the side of Harry’s knee.

 

Harry did what was asked of him, sliding his feet down, planting them firmly onto the floor of the bus as he back against the couch. His breathing hitched again when Louis dropped to his knees in front of him. Harry’s heart was thudding so loudly in his chest, he was sure Louis would be able to hear it above the sound of the manic rain falling outside. But even if Louis did, he showed no reaction to it. He just slid his palms smoothly up the expanse of Harry’s tight sinewy thigh muscles, biting at his lip, and driving Harry wild in the process.

 

“Take your jumper off. You’re all wet.” Harry suggested, tugging at the offensive fabric. Louis smiled up at him and obliged almost immediately.

 

Harry watched every single muscle in Louis’ upper body move and ripple as the garment was taken off and discarded onto the floor. He was practically salivating for Louis, wanting him so badly to touch him again, to kiss him, to do anything to him.

 

“ _Christ_.” Harry said under his breath, trying to rein himself in, but it was of no use, because Louis’ hands slid effortlessly underneath Harry’s thin shirt, the fabric bunching up as his hands disappeared further underneath it.

 

Harry wasted no time ridding himself of the shirt, and Louis continued to touch his chest and stomach, making him literally purr for the older boy. It was all so intimate, so perfect. And it meant so much more to Harry because they were both in their right minds, thinking with clear heads. There was no alcohol to blur the lines. It was just them.

 

“Lift your bum.” Louis whispered as his fingers gripped the sides of Harry’s pants. Harry did as asked, biting his bottom lip until it hurt, watching Louis tug them down until they were resting at his ankles.

 

Louis’ palms slid across Harry’s now bare thighs, causing goose bumps to erupt on his skin. His touch felt so good, so welcomed. When Louis got brave and his right palm slid daringly across Harry’s underwear-clad hardness, Harry let out a low moan, tipping his head back against the couch as he closed his eyes.

 

“I’ve barely touched it, Styles.” Louis hissed playfully, causing Harry to laugh lightly, his head still back, his eyes still closed. As Louis pulled his hands back, Harry silently cursed at the loss of contact, his eyes flying open to send Louis a slight glare.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Louis asked quietly.

“Yes.” Harry said without hesitation, sending the older boy a look of challenge.

“Do you want me to stroke it, Hazza?” Louis asked, his voice barely audible.

“I do.” Harry answered, his voice shaking just a little.

“Do you want my mouth around it?” Louis asked, his eyes never leaving Harry’s.

“Oh, _God_.” Harry groaned, closing his eyes as his head spun from Louis’ words.

“Do you?” Louis prodded, causing Harry’s eyes to open to his again.

“Very much.” Harry admitted in a breathy whisper.

 

He _needed_ Louis to touch him again. He needed his hands on him. He didn’t know just how badly he needed it until Louis was with-holding it.

 

“Take off your knickers.” Louis said, his voice slightly demanding. Harry’s cock twitched helplessly as his body engulfed into flames.

 

Harry’s fingers fumbled against the elastic band on his boxer briefs, but he managed to get them pushed down over the swell of his ass, letting his cock spring free in front of Louis.

 

“Keep going.” Louis told him, eyeing him up and down. Harry leaned forward, pushing the garment down his legs until they were around his ankles like his pants.

 

Before Harry could fully sit back, Louis grabbed him by the back of his neck, and pressed another heated kiss against his lips. Harry moaned into Louis mouth as their tongues tangled together rhythmically, his hands groping at Louis’ bare chest. Louis sat up on his knees, guiding Harry back against the couch, his hips pushing Harry’s legs apart, his body nearly towering over the younger boy. Harry’s back sank into the couch cushion allowing Louis’ dominant side to over-power him. He loved it. He reveled in it.

 

Louis’ hands slid down Harry’s chest as his kisses descended down the line of his jaw, then down the nape of his neck. Harry sucked in the scent of the older boy, causing him to go dizzy. He was nearly panting with desire, almost sure he might come just from Louis’ kisses and touches.

 

“Oh, _fuck_. _Please_ , Louis.” Harry whimpered, needing so badly for Louis to touch his cock. It was so hard it hurt, and he needed Louis to make it feel better.

“What do you need?” Louis breathed against Harry’s earlobe.

“Oh, God.” Harry groaned.

“Louis. My name is Louis, _not_ God.” Louis said in a husky voice, sending chills up Harry’s spine.

“Fuck. _Louis_.” Harry hissed, feeling like his mind and body were going to spontaneously combust.

“What. Do. You. Need?” Louis asked again, enunciating every word.

“Touch me.” Harry moaned breathily, needing those two words to be enough of an answer for Louis.

 

And they were.

 

“Like this?” Louis asked as he grabbed ahold of Harry’s sensitive shaft, working it from base to tip and back, pumping it slowly in the palm of his hand.

“Yes. _Yes_ , please.” Harry gasped, his head falling back against the couch again, his eyes closing so he could feel every bit of pleasure Louis was giving him.

 

Louis’ hand left Harry for a second to spit in his palm before it was back on him, pumping softly. Harry was wrecked. He knew it. He just didn’t care. He wanted Louis so fucking badly, and there he was, feeding him with pleasure.

 

When Harry lifted his head again, their eyes connected for a few weighted moments, causing Harry’s nerves to dance with anticipation. Louis’ eyes looked glassy, a sideways smile quirking at the side of his mouth. It made it seem like he was getting as much pleasure out of it as Harry was.

 

“Just do it.” Harry mewled softly, wanting Louis’ mouth on him more than anything.

 

A full smile danced across Louis’ features; his lips tugging up; his eyelids crinkling together. Harry couldn’t help but think of how beautiful Louis looked when he smiled. He was the most beautiful thing Harry had laid eyes on.

 

As Louis leaned forward, Harry watched as his tongue came out to lick his lips, readying himself. Harry’s insides scrambled and he instinctively held his breath, realizing he was about to get what he wanted. And when Louis’ tongue jut out to wet the tip of Harry’s penis, Harry’s mind spun.

  
“Oh _Christ,_ Lou.” Harry moaned outwardly.

“I haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet. You’re so sensitive.” Louis chuckled, holding Harry’s cock so close to his mouth he could feel his breath skate across it.

“You have no idea.” Harry sighed, doing all he could to relax against the couch.

 

Moments later, Louis seemed to drop all inhibitions and just went for it. His slick lips fully encompassed the head of Harry’s penis, sending a heat wave of pleasure through the younger boy, and he was lost. Louis’ mouth was hot and wet and everything Harry hoped it would feel like wrapped around his penis. As Louis’ lips slid down Harry’s shaft, the pleasure was palpable. The rhythm Louis kept with both his mouth and his hand sent tingles cascading through Harry’s insides, creating a warm fluttering sensation to rise and swell in the pit of his stomach.

 

Harry had gotten head before, sure. But never from someone he truly cared about. He was nearly certain he had never cared for anyone the way he cared for Louis, not even when they were just mates. It seemed so much better with Louis’ mouth wrapped around his cock.

 

Louis sucked and licked and teased until Harry was seeing stars. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, even though he wanted to.

 

“Lou, soon.” Harry moaned as his fingers tangled into the soft damp hair on Louis’ head.

 

Louis moaned against Harry’s shaft and it only sparked the beginning of the end for Harry.

 

“Do it again. Moan.” Harry said breathlessly, and Louis obliged, letting out a long, drawn out moan against Harry’s cock.

“Fuck, Lou. So _bloody_ good.” Harry groaned, throwing his head back.

 

Louis chuckled lightly before sliding his mouth further down the length of Harry’s shaft, taking it in deeper and deeper until Harry felt the tip of his penis momentarily touch the back of Louis’ throat. Harry let out a loud groan as Louis quickly pulled it back out.

  
“Harry, _Jesus Christ_. You’ve got to be quiet.” Louis hissed under his breath.

“Just, keep going.” Harry panted, looking forward at Louis through hooded eyelids.

 

Louis’ hand began to pump again as his mouth closed down all around him and Harry felt the pulling deep within him. He knew he was close. It wouldn’t take much more.

 

“Keep going.” Harry breathed, and Louis obliged.

“Oh fuck. Just like that, Lou.” Harry groaned roughly, and he nearly jumped when he felt Louis pinch the inside of his thigh.

“Ow! _Good fuck_ , Louis.” Harry yelped, smacking Louis’ hand away.

“You’re too loud.” Louis hissed again, pumping Harry with his hand.

“How am I supposed to come if you’re pinching at me?” Harry scoffed out a laugh as Louis sent him a devious glare.

“Prat.” Harry mumbled as Louis’ mouth once again enveloped around him.

 

Harry clamped a hand over his mouth when another moan rolled out of his throat, not wanting Louis to stop for anything.

 

“Fuck.” Harry groaned, muffling against his hand as the pleasure absolutely engulfed him.

“Fu-fuck yeah-h, Louis.” Harry whimpered, turning his hand over to bite at his knuckle as his orgasm began deep within him.

 

Louis’ mouth moved faster for him. Harry’s body writhed below him, his mind spinning out of control.

 

“I’m—I’m coming, Lou. It’s coming.” Harry choked out as he felt his body become rigid and tensed.

 

Louis didn’t let up though. He just took it all in without a word, his mouth never letting up until Harry had dissolved into a puddle on the couch, completely boneless.

 

When Harry’s eyes opened again, once his mind had been restored to him, he looked forward to find Louis looking straight at him, a pleased smirk on his face.

 

“Don’t look at me like that.” Harry laughed blithely, his eyes merely slits due to extreme lack of energy.

“Like what?” Louis asked immediately, smiling mischievously at Harry.

“Like you’ve just shagged me with your mouth.” Harry said with a half smirk.

“I _did_ just shag you with my mouth.” Louis said matter-of-factly, and it caused Harry’s stomach to turn.

 

A laugh rumbled up in Harry’s chest at the thought. He still couldn’t believe he was doing such things with his best mate. But he loved every second of it.

 

“Fancy a wank?” Harry quirked his eyebrow, looking down at Louis’ noticeable bulge in his pants.

“A wank?” Louis questioned with a wide smile on his face.

“I don’t have the energy to move right now, but if you come over here I might be inclined to have a little tug at it.” Harry said, bouncing his eyebrows at Louis.

“A little hanky panky? Huh, Styles?” Louis smirked wildly as he sat back on his haunches on the floor.

“Come on. Budge up.” Harry said immediately, wiggling his fingers to motion for Louis to join him.

 

It took only a moment for Louis to crawl up on the couch with Harry, his arms wrapping around the younger boys neck as their mouths connected. Louis’ lips tasted salty, and it only took Harry about a second to register why. It was because of him; because of where Louis’ mouth had been. It made Harry’s stomach flip excitedly.

 

“C’mon. Pants off.” Harry breathed against Louis’ lips, wanting nothing more than to be able to repay the favor by getting him off.

 

It didn’t take long. Harry literally only had to give it a few good tugs before Louis was spilling hot liquid all over his own stomach and Harry’s hand. Afterward, Louis let out a content sigh, “thanks.”

 

“Anytime.” Harry hummed, closing his eyes, feeling sated in Louis’ arms.

 

They lay on the very same couch in the back of the tour bus where everything began with them. Harry felt happy, but in the back of his mind he wondered how long it would last. He was certain once they were back with the group things would change drastically between them. It always did. It almost felt like they weren’t even really friends anymore some times. Not like they used to be anyway. And it made Harry wonder how much more he could take. Louis’ friendship meant the world to him. He liked the _extended_ side of it with him, but he wasn’t sure how much more distance, outside of the bedroom, he could handle.

 

 

 

As Harry sat sprawled out in a chair backstage that night feeling relaxed and sated, he couldn’t help but notice how Louis spent time talking to everyone but him. Sure, he may have been over-thinking it, or maybe he was being too critical. But even as Harry sent a smile across the room to him, instead of getting one in return, Louis snubbed him by quickly looking away from him.

 

It didn’t make any sense to Harry. Did it really offend Louis so much to be fooling around with another boy? Did it make that big of a difference? And if it did, then why the hell was he even doing it in the first place? Why was he _cheating_ on his girlfriend with another dude?

 

Harry was on the verge of tears right before the anger consumed him. He smacked his fist against the arm of the chair before standing up quickly.

 

“You okay, ‘Arry?” Niall asked quickly.

 

Harry didn’t answer, he just stared at Louis, who was finally looking at him due to his sudden movements.

 

“I’m _fine_.” Harry seethed before whipping around and heading for the door.

“What’s gotten into him?” He heard Liam ask as he stalked down the hallway toward the toilet.

 

Once he was standing in front of the large mirror in the loo Harry’s tears finally came. He hated the way Louis made him feel now. Their friendship had pretty much deteriorated because of what they were doing, and Harry wasn’t sure if he could do it anymore.

 

 

 

Harry didn’t go out that night after the show. He hung out with Lou and Lux while everyone else went out on the town. He even went to bed early. But that proved to be useless since he just tossed and turned thinking about Louis.

 

As soon as the hotel room door opened with Louis’ entrance, Harry’s heart pounded in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he should ignore him, or pretend he was asleep, or just bring up the things that had been weighing on him for a long time. And even as the mattress dipped next to him and Louis slipped in to bed with him, Harry still hadn’t made up his mind on what he was going to do or say.

 

He felt Louis’ hand slide into the covers, grazing over the bare skin on his hip, and he couldn’t help but hold his breath. He relished in Louis’ touch, but he knew how horrible it would make him feel in the light of day. When Louis’ hand slid further down, wrapping around Harry’s boxer-clad cock, Harry had finally made up his mind. His own hand covered Louis’ stopping him from going further.

 

“Louis, maybe we shouldn’t.” Harry said reluctantly, his cheeks flushing wildly as he realized how stupid it seemed to turn away the object of his affection.

“What?” Louis whispered, pulling his hand back as he looked down at Harry through the dimness.

“I just… I mean… maybe we _shouldn’t_.” Harry stammered, craning his neck to look back into Louis’ eyes.

“Why not?” Louis asked incredulously, as he sat up and switched on the bed side light.

“ _Why not?_ Maybe because you have a girlfriend?” Harry said guiltily, sliding his back up against the headboard as he sat up, barely able to look in Louis direction.

Louis let out a sigh before looking up at Harry with inquisitive eyes. “That’s never stopped you before.”

“Maybe it should have.” Harry retorted defensively before letting out a tired sigh, knowing he had always took every ounce of Louis’ affection greedily, lapping it up like a salivating dog. “Look, Eleanor is—”

“My relationship with Eleanor has fuck-all to do with you.” Louis snapped immediately, standing on his feet, setting his glare straight on Harry. All Harry could do was gape at Louis in utter shock and awe.

“How can you say it has fuck-all to do with me when you’re fooling around _with me_ every bleeding time you’re drunk and horny!?” Harry erupted, knowing full well that speaking the words out loud was going to cause Louis to have a massive meltdown.

 

Louis’ eyes flared with displaced anger, leaving Harry almost fearful of a possible physical altercation. He stood on his feet on the other side of the bed just in case. He didn’t want to be caught blindsided.

 

“You didn’t seem to mind when you were moaning my name as you came every night.” Louis spat viciously.

 

Harry almost had to stagger back to catch his breath after Louis’ verbal lashing. The words themself seemed harmless enough, but it was the way Louis had said it; his voice full of contempt and malice.

 

“I’m not sure of what to even say right now.” Harry said quietly, his timid eyes barely even able to look at the boy he called his best mate. Harry had never heard Louis talk to anyone that way before, let alone _him_. It made the tears prick in the back of his eyes.

“Well, then don’t say anything, Harry. Don’t fucking say _anything_.” Louis taunted, sarcasm dripping from every word.

“What the fuck do you want me to say then!? I mean, _fuck_ , Louis. Remember – you’re the one who started all of this!” Harry cried out, instantly wishing he hadn’t brought up the last bit.

“Yeah well, now I’m ending it.” Louis said lowly, flopping down against the other mattress, his back to Harry.

“As I recall, it was me who was ending it.” Harry mumbled quietly. He regretted those words as well, wishing his mouth didn’t produce such verbal diarrhea.

“Whatever, Harry. Then _fuck off_.” Louis grumbled under his breath.

 

Harry’s tears helplessly welled in his eyes as he stood staring at Louis’ back as he lay in the bed.

 

“Right.” He said finally, the word coming out almost inaudibly.

 

Harry’s stomach turned, knowing full well what was to come for the two of them – more horrible days and weeks of silence, the two of them fighting so childishly instead of working through their differences. His gut wrenched at the thought.

 

Why did he have to be so mindful? Why couldn’t he just not give a fuck about Eleanor’s feelings like Louis seemed to be doing? Why did he always have to mess everything up?

 

It didn’t take Harry long to replace the clothing back on his body, knowing full well he would never get any sleep being in such close proximity to Louis. He felt like the absolute lowest human being as he turned and walked out of their hotel room, not sure of what he was going to do or where he was going to spend the night. He could sleep on the bus, but the thought of being alone at a time like this really fucked with his head. He thought of calling one of the other guys, but knew none of them really knew anything about his and Louis’ relationship – or _non_ -relationship. So he found himself knocking on Tom and Lou’s hotel door at 3 o’clock in the morning in tears, hoping to talk to his _other_ best friend.

 

Lou sat with Harry in the hotel hallway for ages as he cried about all the things he couldn’t change about Louis, and all the feelings he had for him, and how he wished Louis could just be honest with him, as well as himself. But most of all he wanted his best mate back.

 

It wasn’t until dawn that Lou and Harry went into the hotel room. As he snuggled up in the bed Lux was asleep in, he noticed the rain had finally stopped falling. Though the end of the rain meant nothing to him when all he could feel was the thunderstorm in his heart. And as the sun began to seep through the curtains, and Harry didn’t have enough energy left in him to even think about Louis any longer, he finally let sleep devour him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's taken me so long to update. I recently moved and my life has been turned upside down lately. As for this story, I think there might only be approximately 2 more chapters. I don't have them written or anything, so it might be more (or less), but for now I am going to say there will be 2 more chapters left.  
> Let me know what you think. I know some of you might be really annoyed with Louis right now (or Harry, idk), but I promise I will do my best to work things out between them in the end. ;)  
> Thanks for any comments or kudos in advance! Oh how I love them both. <3
> 
> Follow me on tumblr:  
> http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/


	7. 07

Harry was drunk. Exceptionally drunk. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this drunk. Okay, maybe his 19th birthday when the guys got him a stripper for shits and giggles. He was hammered that night. But he was sure that tonight he was even a step above that. This time Harry was drinking to forget.

 

He wanted to forget his friendship with Louis. He wanted to pretend the past four years meant nothing to him. He wanted to forget everything that happened on this tour – the kissing, the touching, the coming. He wanted to forget every bit of it. But most of all he wanted to forget the way Louis made him feel the night Harry had ended it all. He wanted to forget the malicious tone in his best mate’s voice. He wanted to forget the way he felt afterward – the way he felt even now, nearly a week later. He wanted the heartbreak to go away – even if it was just for one night.

 

So Harry was drunk, and he was well on his way to forgetting in a blacked out haze that he’s sure he’ll have no recollection of in the morning.

 

He didn’t know who he was dancing with, let alone where the hell he was in the first place. He’d been hopping around clubs all night with some of the guys, leeching off their drinks and stealing quick shots while the bartender wasn’t looking. And now he was in the middle of the dance floor in a hot sweaty club, clinging onto whoever wanted to dance in his space. He didn’t care who it was – guy or girl. He never much cared ever, really. He just relished in the human form.

 

Harry slipped his hands through his wild curls, pushing them out of his face so he could try to focus on the person in front of him. He strained a bit, trying to see them through the dimness. And when he realized it was Perrie, Zayn’s fiancée, he less than gracefully stumbled backward into the person behind him. Wasn’t this what he was trying to avoid with Louis? He didn’t want to get with anyone who was taken. Not that he’d ever have eyes for one of his mate’s girls, but this seemed a bit too close for comfort.

  
“You alright, mate?” Harry heard Zayn ask him over the loud music.

 

Harry turned his head quickly to find it was Zayn who he’d bumped into previously. His entire body relaxed again, realizing he’d been dancing with the both of them all along – his memories coming back in quick little blurs.

 

“Perfect,” Harry smiled at him and continued dancing the way he’d been before.

 

A little while later, Harry found himself standing outside the club with Zayn while he smoked a cigarette. Harry was buckled over, his bum against the brick wall, trying to fight the urge to vomit all over the sidewalk. He'd had a ridiculous amount of alcohol and not much else to eat all night. He knew it was a bad idea – this whole night was a bad idea, but he didn’t much care. He’d been spiraling all week long and needed to blow off a little steam.

 

“Are you about to blow chunks, mate?” Zayn asked.

“Nah. Tryin’ to keep from blowing chunks,” Harry replied, taking a deep breath and letting it out hard. He stood up straight a moment later, leaning his back against the wall.

“You’ve had loads to drink tonight,” Zayn pointed out as if Harry didn’t already know.

“Yeah,” was all Harry could muster in reply.

“You okay?” Zayn questioned.

“Fine,” Harry told him.

“No. I really mean it, Haz. Are you alright?” Zayn asked, and Harry finally looked up into his eyes.

“Not really,” Harry admitted, shaking his head lightly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Zayn asked as he took another drag of his cigarette.

“Not really,” Harry told him truthfully.

“It’s about you and Louis, innit?” He asked, and Harry knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid this conversation even if he tried.

“Sure is, mate,” Harry said bitterly, pushing away from the wall and kicking his foot across the pavement.

“You can tell me, you know that right? I love you both. But I can be objective. I will listen,” Zayn told him.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Harry breathed, knowing how useful it would be to get it off his chest instead of bottling it up like he’d been doing for nearly a week now.

“You can tell me,” Zayn reminded him again.

“Long story short, Louis and I had been fooling around with each other – like not just fooling around like we’re mates – like _fooling_ around like fooling around…” Harry began, his speech slurring just a bit.

“I get it, Haz. And I figured as much,” Zayn said, smirking at him.

“Well, I mean… it was all well and good except when Louis didn’t want it to be. When he got freaked out about something it was like World War fucking III between us,” Harry continued.

“I recall,” Zayn said, nodding.

“I never know what he’s thinking, or why sometimes everything is okay and sometimes it’s drastically not,” Harry went on.

“Like now,” Zayn chimed in.

“Like now. Definitely like now,” Harry grumbled, raking his fingers through his hair.

“What happened?” Zayn asked carefully.

“I-I told him… I mean, he’s cheating on Eleanor. Everything was well and good but that, you know. I brought it up… that it wasn’t a good idea maybe, that we were doing this behind her back and he nearly lost it on me. Everything has been a massive disaster ever since,” Harry finished, resting against the wall again because he wasn't entirely sure he could hold himself up any longer without completely biting it on the pavement.

“Rough. That’s rough, mate,” Zayn said, shaking his head as he threw his cigarette butt against the pavement and stomped it out with the bottom of his boot.

“I was trying to do the right thing. I was being a good guy about it—” Harry continued.

“I get it, mate. I totally get it,” Zayn said, trying to reassure him.

“Where have you blokes been!?” Liam cried out as he turned the corner to meet them, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

Harry and Zayn’s attention snapped to their friend straightaway. Liam was obviously drunk, which was quite the rare occasion. He never truly lets himself loose when all the boys go out. But tonight seemed to be an exception for him.

 

“The rest of the blokes just got here and we’re doing shots. You all in or what?” Liam asked, looking at both of them hopefully.

“I’m in!” Harry called out, forgetting almost immediately what he had just been talking to Zayn about.

“Yeah, count me in,” Zayn chimed in, following in after the other two.

 

When they reached the bar, Harry’s body stiffened immediately, realizing who else had joined the party. None other than Louis Tomlinson himself.

 

“You okay, mate?” He heard Zayn whisper in his ear.

“Perfect,” Harry answered for the second time that night, although this time he didn’t mean it one bit.

 

Liam handed Harry a double shot glass filled with some sort of dark liquid. He immediately placed it to his lips, leaning his head back to empty it down his throat.

 

“Hazza! You’re supposed to wait until we’ve all gotten our shots ready!” Liam scolded him a second later.

“Sorry.” Harry laughed out loud, handing the empty shot glass back to Liam. Within seconds, another shot was thrust into Harry’s hand.

“Cheers.” Harry smirked widely back at Josh who’d just given him his new shot.

“Cheers, mate,” Josh said, smiling back at him.

 

Harry doesn’t even pay attention to what the other blokes have said as they toast the shot. All he could seem to focus on was Louis standing right behind Josh. To Harry he seemed okay – unaffected even, like he meant nothing to him in the end anyway. Just a means to get off. It only fueled Harry further. He downed the shot in his hand, once again without waiting for the rest of the group.

 

They all cheered a few seconds later and Harry watched as they all took their own shots. All he could feel was bitterness in Louis’ presence, so he spun on his heels and headed back out to the dance floor.

 

This time he knew he was dancing with a stranger, someone he truly wouldn’t remember in the morning. She had long dark brown hair and an eyebrow piercing. That was all he could seem to focus on as they danced incredibly close to one another – so close that he could feel the dampness of her skin on his as they moved to the beat of the music. She seemed to move well, which Harry appreciated because in all honesty he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. Dancing wasn’t exactly his thing – not with his long skinny limbs and large feet which sometimes made him feel like a baby deer just learning how to walk. But he was a creature of adaption and he learned to match his partner beat for beat, which was his only saving grace.

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been dancing. His mind felt like mush. But he was breathless and parched and didn’t quite know how he was still standing after the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. He looked around to try and right himself – to try and maybe find a familiar face, all the while still moving his body with the dark haired girl. It was then that his eyes caught on a figure in the distance.

 

 _The blue stare_.

 

Harry’s heart began to pound heavily in his chest as he stumbled a bit on his feet. He swallowed hard as he looked down at the girl and then back up at Louis, who hadn’t seemed to have looked away even when he noticed Harry staring back. His throat felt like sandpaper, his muscles like jelly. He reached out, gripping onto the girls hips, only because he knew he was about to lose his footing if he hadn’t.

 

The girl seemed to appreciate it as she wrapped her arms around Harry’s shoulders, nuzzling her nose against his jaw. It hadn’t been what he wanted but when he looked over at Louis again, he noticed the slight glare in his eye and the flare of jealousy that came along with it.

 

If he meant shit to him, then why did it matter if he was dancing with some girl?

 

Harry leaned down, looking at the girl, and the girl looked up at him a second later. She really was pretty. Harry could appreciate that much. He watched as her lips moved, but he couldn’t make out the words.

 

“I can’t hear you, love,” Harry said loud enough for her to hear.

“I said, do you want to get out of here?” The girl said louder.

 

Harry’s heart pounded even heavier in his chest. He’d never had this kind of proposition before. He’d never been in the position for this kind of thing before. He wasn’t one to go out on the pull, and had never been on the receiving end of a pull – until now. He smiled widely at her.

 

“Yeah?” She asked, smiling back at him.

“That’s a helluva an offer,” he told her.

“I know. You’re a helluva guy,” she said in her American accent.

“I’m with my mates though, love,” he told her, knowing he sounded lame but didn’t much care.

“You’re a big boy, right?” She asked, still trying to coax him along.

“I suppose.” He smirked at her. She smiled widely back at him, leaning in closer.

 

Seconds later her mouth was on his, and he didn’t much mind. He’d never been one to snog on the dance floor, but this girl was making it so damn inviting. He knew he wouldn’t go home with her in the end, but was it so bad to have a bit of fun while he could?

 

Her fingers curled up in his hair and his grip tightened on her waist, pulling her flush against his body. It had been a long time since he’d kissed a girl and he quite liked it.

 

It wasn’t until his back hit a wall that he realized they were no longer on the dance floor. His mind had been so preoccupied in their impromptu snog that he barely paid attention to his surroundings.

 

“C’mon,” the girl said as she broke the kiss and tugged on his hand.

 

He was mindlessly following her seconds later into a dimly lit hallway that led toward the bathrooms. There were people everywhere, but it was all a blur to Harry. His mind was spinning.

 

He vaguely recalled seeing the men’s room sign before the girl was pushing the door open and pushing him into the furthest stall. His reaction time had drastically slowed due to the copious amounts of alcohol flowing through his veins and before he knew what was even happening, his pants were down to his knees and she was down on her own in front of him.

 

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” he breathed, running his fingers through his hair as her wet warm mouth wrapped around his dick.

 

It felt good. It definitely did. But his mind wasn’t in it at all. The pleasure skated through him much like a gnawing itch that you just couldn’t scratch. All he could think about was the way Louis looked at him from across the room. The jealousy, the disappointment. What the hell did he want from him? He felt like he might explode trying to figure out the answer.

 

“Baby, you okay?” The girl asked him, pumping at his dick with her hand now. Looking down, he quickly realized he wasn’t even hard. He barely even had a semi.

 

He leaned down quickly, pulling up his pants watching as the girl stumbled to her feet.

 

“I should go,” Harry said, scrambling to move around her toward the stall door.

 

He caught the sound of her scoff as he fumbled the door open and fled the bathroom all at once. He was weaving through dancing sweaty bodies a moment later, catching sight of his mate’s in the next. Louis’ eyes penetrated him once again, causing the air to expel from his lungs. _Christ_. Harry looked away immediately, hating that he felt guilty for what he’d just done. Even though Louis made it perfectly clear he meant nothing to him when he told him to fuck off a week before.

 

“I’m ready to go, mate, yeah?” Harry said in Zayn’s ear.

“You cool, man? I saw you out there with that bird. Nice,” Zayn said, smiling widely at Harry.

“Yeah, man, cool. I’m feeling like I’m gonna hurl. You ready?” Harry asked him impatiently.

“Yeah? Alright,” Zayn said, tipping back his glass to down the rest of his beer. A second later Zayn leaned over saying something in Liam’s ear.

“Yeah, you ready?” Liam asked, nodding his head at Zayn.

“Ready.” Zayn nodded back.

 

Harry stumbled outside with Zayn and Perrie a few minutes later so Zayn could have a quick ciggy before the vans came to pick them up. Harry felt wrecked in every sense of the word and wished with every part of his being that he was in bed sleeping rather than completely hammered outside of some shit-hole club in some shit-hole town he couldn’t even remember the name of.

 

“What was her name?” Zayn asked, pulling Harry out of his own head.

“Who’s name?” Harry asked, feeling confused.

“The bird you went into the toilet with,” Zayn said incredulously, laughing at just how drunk Harry was.

“She was pretty,” Perrie chimed in as she stood gripping on to Zayn, his arm draped over her shoulder as he smoked.

“I dunno,” Harry admitted quietly.

“You’re a proper player, mate,” Zayn said, and Harry was just sober enough to realize there was sarcasm threaded throughout Zayn’s words.

“Oi!” Niall exclaimed as he stepped out the club’s door holding a pint of beer in his hand still, even though there was a clear sign that read: DO NOT BRING DRINKS OUTSIDE OF THE CLUB.

“Drink up, Nialler! Van’s are here!” Liam yelled from behind him.

 

Niall stopped dead in his tracks, tipping the glass to his lips, and downed the entire beer without taking a breath.

 

“And that’s how an Irishman does it!” Niall said proudly as everyone who filed out on the sidewalk around him cheered in his honor.

“Come on, mate,” Zayn said, poking Harry’s arm.

 

Harry looked up to see two large black van’s parked in front of them on the curb. He followed behind Zayn and Perrie toward the first van, waiting patiently as they got in, taking up the middle row of seats with Josh. When Harry stepped up to get in, he was once again met with the blue stare. His heart stopped when he realized he’d be forced to sit next to the one person he’d been steadily avoiding for nearly a week.

 

But he was left with no choice, really. He had Sandy behind him pushing him along, and he silently wondered if this was his friends plan all along – to maybe get him and Lou talking again. Harry sat down next to Lou, purposely leaving a space between them. But when Sandy plopped down next to him, he realized that his efforts were futile, and smashed up against Louis in the end.

 

He felt all sorts of awkward and really couldn’t wait to be back at the hotel and out of this torturous hell. He could feel the warmth of Louis’ body radiating on his own. Every time he took a breath he could smell Louis’ scent and memories hit him like waves crashing against the shores. Hadn’t he been trying to forget? Hadn’t that been the plan all night long? How did this happen? How was this the end-game? Harry was fucked. He really truly was. Louis’ presence was wrecking him. And not in a way that he wanted to be wrecked. Because this time it was his heart. His heart was broken because his best friend was no longer his best friend.

 

He felt the tears as they welled in his eyes. He knew he needed to push them back but he didn’t feel like he had any will power left to do it. He was too drunk and too emotional. This was too fucking much all at once. A massive overload without a kill switch.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Harry breathed, dropping his face into his hands.

“You okay, mate?” Sandy asked him from his right side. Harry shook his head, but he was almost certain the gesture had been wasted on the dark.

“Harry?” Zayn questioned, and Harry realized he was putting too much focus on himself. All he was trying to do was make his tears stop.

“You going to puke?” He heard Josh next.

 

Harry’s heartbeat sped up and his lungs felt like they might just shrivel up altogether.

 

“I’m so drunk,” Harry groaned, trying to mask the fact that his emotions were getting the better of him.

“Do we need to pull over? You gonna hurl?” Zayn asked.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” Harry groaned.

“You sure, mate?” Sandy asked.

“I’m fine,” Harry said again.

“We’re almost there,” he heard Paul say from somewhere in the front of the van.

 

Harry’s head was spinning, he tried to focus his vision on the shadows that were casting on the floor, but it seemed to only make it all worse. If he closed his eyes it got worse as well. He was shaking and his head was spinning, and he was just so god damn drunk. Why did he think this was a good idea? The end result was just fucked. He could feel Louis next to him. It wasn’t worth it. None of it was worth it.

 

But then he felt it. He felt Louis’ hand slide up his back. He knew it was Louis’ because he could feel his whole arm on the left side of his body.

 

Harry’s heart nearly burst in his chest. If Louis had said he was sorry in that moment Harry would have cried at his feet and forgiven him on the spot. It was then that he realized just how much Louis meant to him. How much Louis’ presence in his life meant to his well-being. He hated this. He hated how it was between them now.

 

But in this moment, Louis’ hand was sliding smoothly up and down Harry’s back, comforting him. Louis was showing sympathy or empathy or whatever. He was showing signs of camaraderie and Harry was melting. He wished he wasn’t so god damn drunk. He felt that maybe if he were even an inkling in his right mind he might be able to speak to Louis – to maybe salvage what was left between the two of them. But he wasn’t, so he kept his head hung in his hands and let the tears drip out until his stomach turned and his heart was mush.

 

“Stop the van. I’m gonna puke,” Harry said.

 

It was the last thing he remembered before waking up half naked in a bed with Louis Tomlinson.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! 
> 
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> http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/


	8. 08

Harry woke up spooning another body. Quite tightly if he were to describe it. It’d been quite a while and maybe he missed it just a bit. He felt groggy and sluggish. And his mind was more than a little hazy. It was relatively dark in the room, only a bit of the morning sunlight filtering through the side of the curtains. He lifted his head up slightly, wondering who he was with, and noticed almost immediately a large tattoo of a stag on the person’s arm.

_Of course_ it was Louis.

Harry’s heart hammered in his chest. How in the hell did he end up in Louis’ room? And what did he do when he got there? He sat up realizing almost immediately that his clothes were gone. He let out a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was so disappointed in himself. He usually had more self-control even when he was drinking. And he supposed that maybe it was his own fault for letting himself get _that_ drunk. Because after all, drunk equals horny to him… and to Louis.

Harry gently, but quickly tossed off the blanket and tip-toed out of the bed, realizing only then he was wearing Louis’ underwear – a pair of navy blue striped _Topman_ boxer briefs. He sighed again and looked back at Louis still asleep in the bed. Just the sight of him made his heart hurt, so he had to look away.

There was no doubt in his mind – even though he had no recollection of the night before – that he and Louis fooled around. The glaring evidence was laid out in front of him: he woke up half-naked, spooning him, despite the room having two beds. He was disappointed in himself, and Louis.

Harry tried to shake the thoughts of what may or may not have happened the night before from his mind, turning away to find his clothes. But they were nowhere in sight. Harry tried to wrack his brain, but he could not pull out any relevant clues on where his clothing might be. Had he really been desperate enough for Louis, for Louis’ touch after all this time, to discard his clothing anywhere but in the hotel room?

Luckily enough, as he stepped into the bathroom and turned the light on, he found his shirt and pants. Unluckily, they were hanging in a sopping wet mess in the shower. He let out a loud sigh, realizing he’d never be able to sneak out unscathed now.

“Fuck,” he growled lowly, running his fingers violently through his hair as he wondered once again, _what in the bloody hell happened last night?_

The stench coming from his clothes could mean only one thing. He puked, and he puked a lot. The memories come back to Harry quickly as he felt his stomach turn again. He remembered puking on the side of the road before they got to the hotel and then again in the bushes out front of the hotel. He also remembered Louis and Niall helping him up to the hotel room, and then once again puking in the shower when Niall turned the water on him while he was still fully clothed.

“My boots…” Harry sighed when he spotted his leather boots in a puddle at the end of the shower stall.

Out of options for clothing and nowhere else to turn, Harry tip-toed his way over to Louis’ suitcase, first making sure the other boy was still asleep. He and Louis weren’t exactly the same size when it came to pants, but luckily Louis liked his sweatpants baggy. Harry slipped into a pair of gray Hollister sweatpants and threw on one of Louis’ white v-necks before locating a very worn looking pair of Toms to slip on his feet. It would have to do until he found his own suitcase.

As he walked back to the bathroom, Louis’ smell from his clothing invaded Harry senses, making the knot in his stomach and the hole in his heart a little bit bigger. He missed Louis more than he could ever express with words. He missed his best mate.

Harry shoved all his sopping wet clothes, including his destroyed boots, into a plastic hotel laundry bag and quietly slipped out of the hotel room.

 

After going down to the front desk to embarrassingly ask for a room key, he finally made it to his own room, only to find Liam as his roommate.

“Harry,” Liam gasped at the sight of him. Harry grunted in response, dropping his bag of wet clothing onto the floor.

“You okay, mate?” Liam asked, sitting up on the bed.

“I feel like rubbish,” Harry groaned, walking toward the two beds. Liam let out a light laugh.

“Well yeah, mate. You were projectile vomiting into the bushes last night,” he replied. Harry groaned again.

“We were all worried about you,” Liam added. Harry collapsed onto the bed and sighed.

“What made you drink so much, mate?” Liam asked, and by the tone of his voice, Harry could tell he was fishing for answers.

“Dunno,” Harry replied.

“I think you _do_ know, mate,” Liam prodded.

Harry turned his head to look at Liam, and Liam gave him a knowing look.

“Louis, alright. Are you happy? Louis is the reason I was drinking so much,” Harry snapped, knowing Liam knew without really knowing.

“Thought so. Care to elaborate?” Liam asked. Harry sighed heavily.

“I love him and he doesn’t love me!” Harry confessed.

When he realized what he said, his whole heart dropped and tears sprung to his eyes. He threw his arm over his face as he lay on the bed and let the tears streak down his cheeks until his chest began to heave and his sobs began to shake his whole body.

“Oh, Harry. I don’t think that’s the truth,” Liam said as Harry felt the bed dip as Liam sat down beside him.

“It _is_ true, Liam,” Harry countered.

“I know Louis loves you—” Liam began.

“Then he’s got a shit way of showing it!” Harry snapped, glaring at Liam for even saying the words.

“You’re forgetting, he’s the one who took care of you last night,” Liam added.

“Yeah well, it doesn’t make up for the way he’s been treating me for ages now,” Harry whimpered.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Liam asked softly.

“No,” Harry said more calmly. He didn’t think it would be a good idea. Louis would just have another reason to be mad at Harry.

“Just let me know what I can do and I’ll do it,” Liam told him.

“I just want to sleep,” Harry said quietly.

“Alright, mate. Get some sleep,” Liam said, patting Harry’s shoulder.

A few moments later he heard Liam shut the shades on the window, blocking out the early morning sun, and he heard the TV get turned off. It wasn’t long after that he fell back asleep.

 

Bus call was literally a nightmare. Harry was still wearing Louis’ clothes, which of course caused Louis to pay extra unwanted attention to him. And on top of it all, Harry still felt nauseous and the motion of the bus made everything worse.

“Drink some water, mate,” Zayn offered, throwing a bottled of water next to him as he lay on one of the front couches in the bus. Harry groaned, cracking open one of his eyes to look at Zayn.

“You look worse for wear,” Zayn commented with a laugh. Harry groaned again, feeling completely trapped in his hangover.

“Did you puke more when you got up to the hotel last night?” Zayn continued the semi-one-sided conversation.

“Don’t remind me. Apparently I puked everywhere. My boots are completely ruined,” Harry finally said. Zayn laughed out loud.

“Sucks, man,” Zayn said.

“I’ve gotta ask you something though,” Harry said trying to focus his blurry vision on Zayn.

“Yeah, mate?” Zayn asked.

“Why’d you let Louis take care of me? I mean, I told you about us – about how I was feeling about our situation…” Harry asked, feeling the ache in his heart.

“I was right there with you when you puked in the bushes at the hotel, mate. We were all there with you. Louis was just – he was just taking over though. Like, he had a grip on you. Niall and I were right there to help you inside, but he insisted. He wanted to be the one to take care of you. Apparently even kicked Niall out of the hotel room once you were in the shower,” Zayn explained.

“I woke up half naked in his bed, spooning him,” Harry replied, feeling the annoyance bubble up inside of him.

“No shit, huh?” Zayn asked, his eyes wide.

“I have no idea what happened. All I know is I’m fucking wearing his clothes, right down to his knickers,” Harry grumbled, being tortured with a smell that was all Louis.

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Zayn snickered.

“I’d have changed, but I might vomit with all that motion,” Harry replied.

 

Harry spent nearly a whole day with the hangover from hell. He was still incapacitated when they got to the venue in Chicago, Illinois. He spent most of the afternoon on the same couch in the bus that he spent the morning on. Every time he tried to move, his stomach would turn into a swirling vortex of death. He knew they had sound check soon and he dreaded the thought of it. He tried his best to sleep it off, but all he could really do was even out his breathing well enough to get a few winks here and there.

Harry woke up as soon as he heard the bus door open, but he didn’t even bother opening his eyes to see who it was.

“You look good in my clothes…” he heard Louis mischievous voice.

Besides the tugging at his heart, Harry didn’t even flinch at the sound of Louis’ voice. He sure as hell didn’t want to deal with him when he felt like crawling in a hole and dying.

“How’re you feeling?” Harry heard, realizing Louis was determined to get a response out of him. Harry let out a low grunt in response just to get him to leave him alone. But of course it didn’t work.

“Didn’t know if you were gonna make it the other night,” Louis said, sounding as if he were trying to make conversation. But Harry wanted absolutely none of it.

Harry’s broken heart had quickly turned to bitterness. And he didn’t want Louis to think that because he took care of him for one night, they were okay. Because they were so far from being okay.

Harry’s eyes finally met with Louis’, sending him a savage glare.

“That bad?” Louis snickered.

“I’m fine,” Harry snapped, annoyance weaving through the words.

“Alright. _Christ_. I’m just concerned,” Louis said with a sigh.

“Well, don’t be. I don’t need your concern. For all you’re concerned, I’ve properly fucked off since the last time we’ve spoken. Just like you told me to,” Harry snapped spitefully.

“Harry…” Louis sighed.

“Now it’s your turn! _Fuck off_ , Louis,” Harry spat, surprising even himself. He’d never spoken like that to anyone before in his life.

“Alright, mate,” Louis said quietly.

“We’re not mates,” Harry grumbled under his breath.

It was hard not to notice how hurt Louis looked as he turned toward the door and walked off the bus. Harry immediately felt a stabbing pain in his heart over his harsh words, but knew he needed to stand his ground or he’d spend the rest of his life getting walked all over.

 

Harry still felt a bit woozy as he stood in the dressing room that night drinking a bit of tea before stage-call. He didn’t feel up for going out on stage for more than one reason. The most obvious glaring reason was because he was forced to be around Louis in an atmosphere that begged for the two of them to be chummy with one another. Harry was certain he didn’t even want to look in Louis’ direction let alone be anywhere near him.

As soon as the dressing room door opened Harry’s stomach dropped. Louis was standing in front of him once again, his back pressed to the door – the two of them participating in what would only be described as a stare-down.

“I know you told me to fuck off…” Louis began.

“Your words first,” Harry pointed out.

“Yes, my words first,” Louis grumbled under his breath, breaking their eye contact.

“What do you want?” Harry asked, annoyed by his presence.

“To talk,” Louis said quietly, meeting Harry’s eyes again.

“I don’t think it will matter,” Harry said quietly.

“It does matter, Harry. It does,” Louis insisted as he took two long strides toward Harry, stopping just short of him.

“So, I’m supposed to believe you have something relevant, something so profound to say that I’m just going to forget about the way you’ve treated me for weeks now? What could you possibly say that can right this?” Harry asked him, feeling his body start to tingle with anger.

“Harry,” Louis said quietly.

“I have nothing to say to you and I don’t care to listen to what you have to say,” Harry added.

“Please, Harry,” Louis said.

“Not after last night,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“Last night? I took care of you!” Louis protested.

“You took advantage of me!” Harry countered, feeling anger over the fact that he woke up half naked in bed with Louis.

_“What!?”_ Louis snapped, looking more than a little confused.

“Don’t,” Harry growled.

“Don’t what? You were puking all over yourself. Did you expect me to just leave you to drown in your own vomit?” Louis argued.

“I didn’t expect to wake up in _your_ knickers!” Harry yelled.

“You woke up in _my_ knickers because yours were soaked! Sure, I undressed you. But my god, Harry, I didn’t bloody take advantage of you! Nothing happened!” Louis explained.

“Then why did I wake up in bed with you?” Harry asked, trying like hell to fight his tears off when there was a thunderstorm in his heart.

“Because you asked me to… you asked me to lay with you…” Louis said quietly.

Harry bit his lip as he looked away from the other boy. He didn’t remember much about last night. And he definitely didn’t remember asking for Louis to lay with him. But it was possible, in the vulnerable state he was in, that he’d been the one to insist on the two of them sharing a bed.

He tried like hell not to let it shake him. He was still pissed off, rightfully so. And the fact that Louis hadn’t taken advantage of him in his intoxicated state proved that he was a halfway decent human being – but then again half just didn’t cut it in Harry’s book.

“That still doesn’t make up for any of this bullshit,” Harry snapped.

“I know. I’m sorry. I know,” Louis said, looking massively pained as his gaze fell to the floor.

“You have nothing to say to make this better, to make me feel better. You made me feel _transparent_ , Louis – like I was nothing. Like I meant nothing,” Harry said, his voice shaking as tears formed in his eyes.

“Harry, please. I’m sorry,” Louis said, slowly looking up into his eyes. A half-assed apology meant nothing to Harry.

“You have nothing to say!” Harry yelled again, wishing that Louis would just take his bullshit somewhere else.

In a split second, Harry decided if Louis wasn’t going to leave, then he would. He quickly bypassed the other boy and headed toward the door.

“I’m gay!” Louis admitted, stopping Harry in his tracks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I wasn't sure where I was really going with this story. But now I've got the next chapter mapped out. This stories coming to an end soon. The next chapter will most likely be it's last. But then again, I might decide to write an epilogue.
> 
> Let me know what you think of the chapter/story!  
> Thanks!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr:  
> http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/


	9. 09

“Did you hear me?” Louis asked softly as Harry stood frozen in place with his back to him.

 

The fingers of Harry’s right hand were tightly wrapped around his old leather journal while his left hand was balled into a tight fist at his side. His heart was beating a mile a minute. Had Louis just come out to him?

 

“Harry?” Louis questioned.

 

Harry turned his head to glance back at Louis. And what he saw surprised him. It wasn’t the same apathetic

look he’d seen on Louis’ face for the past couple of weeks. It was a look of vulnerability and what could only be described as fear.

 

“I’m gay, Harry. It’s… it’s taken me a long time to admit that,” Louis said, dropping his gaze down to the floor.

 

Harry turned slowly so he was facing Louis, and leaned his back against the closed dressing room door.

 

“I’ve been having a hard time…” Louis started.

“ _You’ve_ been having a hard time?” Harry snapped.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve never…” Louis trailed off.

“You should’ve never what? You should’ve never kissed me? You should’ve never fucked with me? You should’ve never done a lot of things, Louis!” Harry snapped angrily.

 

He’d waited a long time for Louis to finally come to him – to talk to him about what was bothering him. And now that it was happening – only after Harry pledged to himself that he was done with Louis for good, mind you – and frankly he was pissed off.

 

“Okay, I understand you’re angry…” Louis started.

“Angry? _Angry?_ You think what I’m feeling can be described with only one word? No. No—” Harry said, frantically leafing through his journal to find the most recently written words. When he found the page, he tore it straight out of the journal and slammed it against Louis’ chest.

“There aren’t enough words in the world to describe how I _feel_ , Louis,” Harry seethed.

 

Louis gripped the torn out page in his fingertips, his eyes wide, his mouth gaping at Harry.

 

“ _Read_ it,” Harry insisted.

 

Louis’ eyebrows furrowed, causing a deep crease to form between his eyes – the marking of anguish. His fingers gripped tighter to the paper as he held it up in front of him, close enough for him to read. Harry watched as Louis read his words. He watched as Louis’ eyes sunk deeper and deeper into sadness.

 

Harry memorized the words he wrote – only because he’d lived them first hand.

 

_How is it possible to be in love with someone who hates you?_

_I can’t even sleep without thinking about you._

_Think of all the things we could have shared._

_I feel like everything is falling apart in front of me and I don’t know why._

_I want to go home, but I feel like I don’t really know where that is anymore. You were always home to me._

_We were best friends. Then I fell in love.... now look where I am._

_If you taught me anything, it was how to fall in love then hit rock bottom._

_I’ve been wanting so badly to press rewind. I wish I could go back and never give you the chance to hurt me._

_One mistake too many._

_One friend down._

_I hope you remember where you were at the exact moment I stopped thinking of you forever._

 

“Harry…” Louis whispered, his voice cracking with emotion as he looked up from the journal page.

“I’m done,” Harry replied almost inaudibly as he looked away, preparing to turn and walk out.

“Don’t go,” Louis said breathlessly, causing the tiny hairs on the back of Harry’s neck to stand on end.

 

Harry froze in apprehension. His written words said all he needed to say. He didn’t know if he had anything left.

 

“You have every right to be angry with me. I’ve been a git. I’ve been more than a git. I’ve been a _monster_. But please, Harry. Just let me try to explain a few things,” Louis pressed.

 

Harry looked up into Louis’ eyes, which was a terrible mistake. He felt all his walls crumbling. He was such a sucker and he hated it. When Louis was distressed, he was distressed. It was the way it had always been.

 

“Yeah,” Harry said softly, feeling a lump form in his throat.

“First of all… Eleanor…” Louis said, letting out a sigh.

 

Harry’s chest tightened at the sound of her name. Eleanor. Louis’ infamous girlfriend. The poor girl that was stuck in the middle of their little affair – unbeknownst to her.

 

“Eleanor knows,” Louis told him. Harry took in a deep shuddered breath and almost choked on it. He’d forgotten how to exhale for a moment.

“She _knows?_ About us?” He asked, his eyes going wide.

“Yes, but no. I mean, yes, I’ve told her about us – you and I. She’s the only one I’ve told about us. But I meant, she knows… she knows I’m gay. She’s the only one I’ve told… and well now you,” Louis admitted.

“How long… how long have _you_ known?” Harry asked carefully.

“Uh, I think… I think I’ve always known. But I mean, I haven’t really accepted it. I guess until now,” Louis explained.

“When did you tell Eleanor?” Harry asked.

“Uh, last year,” Louis said softly.

“Last year!?” Harry asked, wide-eyed.

“Just because I told her last year, doesn’t mean I was ready to tell the damn world, Harry,” Louis snapped.

“You could have told _me_ , Louis,” Harry said quietly.

“I was afraid of you,” Louis said softly.

 

Harry’s heart constricted. Louis was afraid of him?

  
“Not of you, but of who I became when I was with you,” Louis revised.

“And who’s that?” Harry asked carefully, almost afraid to know the answer.

 

Louis took in a deep breath and let it out before for sending Harry a harrowing look.

 

“I uh, I’ve always had girlfriends, because that’s what I was supposed to do. It was expected. I felt like maybe I could be normal or that people might see me as normal if I did normal things. Deep down I always knew I wasn’t normal. I knew I was only masking who I was – up until I met you,” Louis began to explain, his eyes falling to the floor as he spoke.

 

Harry stayed silent, waiting on bated breath to hear Louis confirm things he’d always knew to be true.

 

“I can still remember everything about the first time I met you. I remember your bright eyes, your smile, your smell…” Louis said, closing his eyes tightly as if he were reliving it all in his head.

 

Harry’s breaths started to come out in short, choppy intervals as Louis spoke of a moment in time that was immortalized in Harry’s own mind. He could feel the rapid beating of his heart beneath the unbearable tightening of his chest and he thought he might fall over had it not been for the door behind him, keeping him upright.

 

“From that moment on, you became my best friend – everything that mattered to me. I found you. I swear, living in that house with you – on _X-Factor_ – I swear, I was living a dream. Every strategic touch, every word I said was reciprocated by you and it just… it became our thing. We were always closer than any of the other guys. It was never one without the other with us back then,” Louis continued on.

 

Harry could feel the emotion settling in the back of his throat. He knew he was going to cry. He knew it was inevitable.

 

“We were just kids. But we grew up, and grew closer. We spent more nights sleeping next to each other than we did alone. And it was all so… so platonic. But my feelings never were, Harry. They never were,” Louis confessed.

 

Harry hung his head as his first tear fell. He couldn’t look Louis in the eye. He was too weak, too broken.

 

“But in the back of my head I knew I needed to pull myself together – to be acceptable. I couldn’t… I didn’t… I thought it was wrong. I wasn’t feeling the way I knew I needed to feel, but I thought if maybe I could act the way I needed to, I would be okay,” Louis explained, his voice becoming grave as he explained how he closeted himself to be someone he thought he should be. Harry’s heart broke.

“Eleanor was more a means to an end. Don’t get me wrong, I cared about her – I _care_ about her. But more in the way I care for my sisters – my family. The Larry rumors had just started and it scared me. Eleanor was my peace – she was my shield,” Louis confessed.

“Louis, _God_ ,” Harry whimpered through his tears. He wished he could have been his protection instead of being the thing he needed protection from.

 

Harry remembered that time in their lives vividly. The _boyfriend_ rumors were shooting through the fandom like a livewire. It became a main focal point in interviews. He remembered the terrible ache in his chest every time Louis adamantly denied it – not because he felt like they were true, but because every time he denied it, Harry felt Louis slipping away from him. Like he was retreating into himself instead of talking through it with Harry – his best friend.

 

Eleanor hit him like a brick. One day he had Louis all to himself and the next their friendship was put on the back burner indefinitely. He got on with El, but there was always a bit of animosity he could never shake.

 

“I kept her around to keep me in line. I know it’s a miserable excuse. I know it was a shite thing to do, but that never stopped me from doing it. The shame of… of coming out or even acting upon my feelings or urges made my skin crawl,” Louis admitted, still somehow keeping his composure through his entire confession.

 

Harry on the other hand couldn’t stop the tears. He rubbed at his eyes frantically, trying to dry them, but it was of no use. He’d been an emotional wreck for far too long. He had no hope of holding it together now.

 

“But then I finally kissed you, and I’d never take it back for even a second because it made me feel whole. You made me feel like more of a man than any girl on my arm ever could,” Louis told him.

 

A hoarse whimper escaped out of Harry as Louis spoke of the two of them. It was everything he ever wanted to hear. It was justification for all the feelings he felt for Louis.

 

“And so night after night I found myself drinking so I’d have an excuse to kiss you. Sometimes I wouldn’t even be drunk. I’d just pretend. Because I liked it so much. Because it had become the only thing I was living for. I needed it like the air I breathed. I felt free. But I wasn’t, Harry. Because I knew it was wrong… I’m so confused. I’m sorry,” Louis said, his voice wavering, the emotion finally lacing his words.

“It’s not wrong,” Harry said.

“I-I know. I know. I just… I grew up thinking it was. I know it’s not. I just… it’s hard for me,” Louis explained.

“There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, Louis. Why would it ever be wrong to love someone?” Harry asked through his tears.

“I do love you,” Louis blurted out, looking like his eyes had been opened for the first time.

 

Harry took a series of shallow breaths as his face contorted into an array of different emotions all at once. He felt his heart might burst.

 

“I love you,” he choked out.

“I fell in love with you a long time ago. I think I fell in love with that sixteen year old boy I met in the loo – a smile so wide that all I saw was teeth and dimples,” Louis said, smiling fondly at Harry.

 

Harry let out a laugh through his tears.

 

“There’s so much I need to apologize for. I don’t even know where to start,” Louis said, hanging his head.

“Just say it. Just say the words and I’ll forgive you,” Harry said hopefully. Louis looked up at him with wide searching eyes.

“Just say it and tell me it’ll never happen again,” Harry said.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’ll never happen again,” Louis said, tears brimming in his eyes.

 

It was enough for Harry. A split second later, he was pulling Louis to him, their lips crashing painfully together. And in that moment he knew he never truly let go of the idea of Louis being his forever. He was certain Louis was and always would be his past, present and future.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might sound like a broken record, but there's only one chapter left. I may have said that before, but now I'm pretty certain there is only one chapter left. And hopefully it'll be a happy (sexy) one. Let me know what you think so far!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr:  
> http://smile--styles.tumblr.com/


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